"Profit-Saint Fayanora's Big Book of Very Vague But True Profit-Sees, Volume One"
(Words in bold are interpretations of the quatrains. The interpreter is Reverend Fred Fartsalot.)
Sneezing camels eating mucus
By the fertile belt bear fruit;
Exciteable apes fight over dead soil;
The camels merely toot.
By carefully studying the numerology of this quatrain, I have determined that it says that something bad will happen in 2017. Lots of people will die. It will happen somewhere near Africa or Asia, and will be a fight about worthless soil. It is obvious that this quatrain is talking about the upcoming World War Three, in which America will drop nuclear bombs on the Middle East. Then a plague that turns everyone into zombies will spread. Osama Bin Laden will take credit for this. A hot woman in a tight suit will save us all.
Once he was a fool at school;
Then he was a knave;
Now tis we who be the fools;
For the country is his slave.
This is an obvious reference to the rise of George W. Bush, and a prediction that he will become the Emperor of the United States. The numerology seems to suggest that he has been posessed by one of the Elder Gods.
Grey birds in a sky of clouds fly free
And swoop and swish and sing;
Splatters of white fall from the heavens;
And land upon the king.
At some point in the future, it seems that atomic bombs painted white will fall from these so called "grey birds" which are really airplanes, and some of them will fall on the leader of a great nation. Now obviously, this refers to Emperor Bush. Sadly, this means Washington DC will be bombed.
Look at all the pretty colors;
I think that I am stoned;
I have to call my mother;
For she will take me home.
According to this prophecy, Islamic terrorists will invade American soil and become our new rulers, forcibly converting everyone to Islam. This is shown by the reference to stoning, the traditional punishment for all crimes in Islamic countries. Since Profit-Saint Fayanora is a Pagan, she is obviously saying that her Heavenly Mother will take her "home." Because, as a prominent Pagan, Fayanora would be one of the first to be stoned to death.
This poem means nothing;
I wrote it in a stupor;
I'll give you twenty bucks;
If you know a better rhyme for "stupor."
This quatrain refers to a period in Saint Fayanora's upcoming life, just before being stoned to death, where she begins to doubt her powers. But in offering money to her oppressors, she shows her kindness and compassion to even the most ruthless of enemies, thus showing the world that there is hope for humanity yet.
No seriously you dumb-ass dude;
They mean nothing at all;
I scribbled these with feces;
On my bathroom wall!
Such will be the power of her visions that she will be so compelled to write them down that she will suffer the indignity of having to write them with her own offal just to bring them into the world. Truly, she is great. Also, this is an obvious reference to the invading hordes of Muslims, who will be riding tame ostriches and wearing bologna on their heads.
One two three four;
Five six seven;
Eight nine ten;
Apparently, the demon that was infesting George W. Bush will become very angry at the ostrich-riding Muslims and will rain melted swiss down on their heads, scouring the earth clean of all extremists of all religions. There will then be one million years of peace on Earth and we will live at peace with our newly reformed ostrich brethren.
Bloogily bloggily snot;
Snorkelplex goggle rocks;
Gaseous nomenclature of eleven;
Narf narf narf narf narf!
And they lived happily ever after.
Oh, I give up! *Joins a nudist colony*