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What's in a name?

I've known I'm transgender since I was in my early teens. Might have known sooner if I hadn't been so keen to not let the bullies be right about anything, but whatever. I dislike my given name; it doesn't feel right. For over a decade, I have pondered what "female name" to use. No combo of Earthly feminine or androgynous names has ever felt right to me, either. I came up with my Ah'Koi Bahnis name a few years after realizing I'm trans; I chose the name after adopting the Traipahni culture and the Yahgahn religion of Traipah as my own. And now I'm beginning to think that if I ever change my name legally, I'll change it to the name I've been using online for over a decade: Fayanora Ahnabahn Tahlahmorgk (Flirtatious; Holy person; one who loves trees). Because I just can't think of anything that suits me better. Except maybe the secondary spiritual name I chose, that of Ahnabahn Morph'oht'spwiigohl Taykay'yah. (Reverend Beautiful Pyre)

Tried changing my name on Facebook to Tristan "Fayanora" Arts just now, but FB won't accept the quotation marks around Fayanora or anything like them. Its excuse was "too many apostrophes." Gods, what if I were to change my name to one of the Traipahni names that have actual apostrophes in them? TPNN uses apostrophes, when written with Latin characters, to separate syllables and make it clear how it's supposed to be pronounced, because TPNN's alphabet is a syllabary. So if I were to change my name to, I dunno, something like " Ay'lah'kahn'jah, " I would have to remove the apostrophes for the sake of Facebook. But in the meantime, I have to decide whether to keep the name I have on my only published novel for my FB name, or change the middle name to Fayanora, or change the whole thing to Fayanora Ahnabahn Tahlahmorgk. Whatever I do (except keep it as is), I have some friends and a relative on there who are going to raise their eyebrows at it, I've no doubt.

Damn... Ay'lah'kahn'jah is a good name, actually; especially if you know it means "A spiritual journey in which one gets lost on purpose in order to find one's self."

EDIT: All of life is an ay'lah'kahn'jah... *wistful sigh*

Crossposted from http://fayanora.dreamwidth.org

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