I imagine even normal people would find it hard to sleep all wired up like that, in an unfamiliar bed. But I'm even worse. I normally sleep naked because clothes bother me enough when awake, and it's worse at night. Covers and blankets I don't mind, oddly, but clothing bugs me. So not only was I wearing pajamas I basically bought specifically for the sleep study (I have a winter PJ top, but didn't have a complete set, and not a summer set), but I had all this shit stuck to me that pulled when I moved, itched, and made me aware of every other itch and odd body signal. Then I was either too hot or too cold, going back and forth and trying like heck to get things just right.
I told the technician I needed a fan going, and she got this dinky little thing I could barely feel and could barely hear. It wasn't the kind of white noise I needed.
The mattress... I think it was softer than usual. Took a while to find a position that didn't hurt my back.
Also wasn't even remotely tired. I'd woken up a lot earlier than usual - noon - but given that this was 10 pm I was trying to go to sleep at, having not had time to do much of anything during the day, I was trying to go to sleep less than 12 hours from waking. If I had left the house earlier yesterday, I could have gone to Moonshadow and gotten incense, gone home, and still had time to get ready and leave for the sleep study, which would have worn me out a little for the sleep study. As it was, I spent the whole day online, so I wasn't tired.
It was midnight when I called for the technician's help so I could take the generic Ambien the OHSU sleep doctor gave me for the sleep test. It said to take one pill. I did. It did absolutely nothing. [This isn't entirely a surprise to me; about the only medication other than antacids and anti-gas meds that does anything for me is liquid-gel pain reliever caplets. Well, and anti-biotics. I was on Prozac once, and the first bottle did absolutely nothing. They doubled the dose, and all it did was make me dizzy on occasion. Even moderate doses of caffeine do nothing for me. I could drink half a bottle of soda less than half an hour before bed and go to sleep in 10 minutes. I used to fall asleep at work even taking No-Doz pills.] I should have ignored the instructions and taken both pills. Probably still would have done nothing, but at least I would have gotten rid of both pills instead of having an odd one left.
Actually, come to think of it, melatonin works as a sleep aid for me. If I had known the Ambien would be useless, I would have thrown away the prescription unfilled and brought my melatonin.
Anyway... so quality of sleep: I tried getting to sleep by relaxing myself. I even tried the last resort that almost always works, of making artificial dreams until I drifted into real dreams. Nothing worked, before or after the Ambien. I kept drifting between "almost asleep" and "fucking hell!" I do remember one real dream, a vague and short thing with my younger sister Tara in it, which I remember because I woke up mid-dream.
When I was roused at 6 AM, I had to ask the technician if I'd gotten *any* sleep. She said I had. I should have asked how much, to find out if it was more than that one dream's worth, but I didn't think about it. Luckily, like always happens with me, no matter how crappy my quality of sleep, no matter how little sleep I get, and no matter how early I am roused, once I got past the initial few minutes of "fuck the world, I want to go back to sleep, even if it WAS crappy," I was alert. And I have since moved into "awake" territory. The technician had me fill out a post-study questionnaire. I can confidently report that I confidently reported that that was the single worst night of sleep that I can remember having. And in the comment section, I said "This would have been much easier if you guys had a shift for nocturnal people" and listed my usual hours.
By the way, the OHSU sleep study people have about a dozen permanent rooms at this hotel. And these rooms are impressive. Half as big as my whole apartment, the room was. The kitchen has a fridge, a stovetop (didn't check for an oven), a microwave, and a dishwasher. The living room had a nice fluffy chair and a sofa. The bed was twice as big as mine, and the shower was marble. Even the shower curtains were awesome.
Anyway, after doing the questionnaire, I showered and got dressed. Had to wash more of me than I'm used to, to get the electrode gel off of me and out of my hair. And of course, I forgot my comb at home. But at least they had a hair drier.
"Check out at 7" turns out to have meant "get all your crap, and your ass, out of the room at or around 7, but feel free to hang around in the lobby or food area however the hell long you want to" I left the room about 10 after.
No matter how crappy the night was, the complimentary breakfast buffet made it worth it. Strangely, my stomach did NOT get upset after that crappy night, which is good, because aside from the usual cereal, toast, english muffins, fruit, bagels, juice, and yogurt, they had no-limit scrambled eggs, potato wedges, sausage patties, biscuits and sausage gravy, and toppings. I think they also had waffles and pancakes.
Myself, I had scrambled eggs and potato wedges, both with sour cream, green onions, shredded cheddar, and salsa on them. I also had about 6 of the sausage patties, because eggs only last me about half an hour before I get hungry again, and I needed meat. I also had two cups of English breakfast tea, two cups of cranberry juice, a banana, and a yogurt. It was all very yummy!
Anyway, I'm going to leave around 9:30 to go to UU church. Then I think I'll stop by Moonshadow for some incense on my way home. Once home, I will get some actual sleep. I shouldn't need to buy incense, but I can't find my favorite kinds at home.
Oh, one last bit, unrelated, before I go: obviously couldn't do one last night, but the night before last was the second or third ritual I've done in a week, and I think I may have figured out how to get myself to do a ritual every night. Which is good, because just doing a ritual every night for the last 2 or 3 nights has improved my mood significantly and made the music in my soul easier to find, and makes it come out more readily. Which is good, because at the height of my spirituality I was having occasional moments of hearing music in every single sound in the world for half an hour or more at a time. It was like the whole world was playing me a symphony, and I sincerely hope I'm building up to those experiences again. I'm not even exaggerating at all. While it doubtless sounded just as noisy and discordant to everyone around me, every noise was a note in a symphony. I miss that. I miss the music welling up spontaneously several times a day, driving me to sing.
Ironically, I can't sing in a group. The kind of music I sing has only nonsense syllables, no actual words.
Damn, they had trays as well as plates? Somehow I missed that.
Anyway, all for now.
EDITED TO ADD: Logged into wifi last night, the hotel wifi had the standard "agree to play nice" thing to continue. This morning, despite my computer being off all night long, I didn't need to re-agree, because it REMEMBERED MY COMPUTER! I wish more wifi services did that, that's cool!
Crossposted from http://fayanora.dreamwidth.org