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Getting back to myself.

From the time I was fired from my last job, to the time I got on disability and got my own apartment, my depression was so bad that it almost completely killed my spirituality. And my spirituality had been suffering a lot even before that. There was a bit of an up tick in my spirituality when I was able to do art therapy during group therapy some days, but mostly the stress and depression made me very cut off from my spirituality.

I've been trying to change that, lately. It's a bit slow going, but I'm making progress. Started a new constructed language, Trai'Pahg'Shah'Gog (TPSG), which helps. I went to FredMeyer's earlier to work on a prayer to Kusahnjijahn, Deity of Science, Learning, and Commerce because S/He is the closest Deity I have to being a Deity of Money. I figure, if Kusahnjijahn does commerce, S/He does money too. Anyway, I was writing the prayer in Trai'Pahg'Nan'Nog (TPNN). Looking up words in TPNN made me realize what a mess it is. Missing words, words that are too fucking long, words that were pieced together from other words and which often have a very vague translation (and thus could confuse a real TPNN speaker). So I got side-tracked at first with coming up with new TPNN words, then I started working on TPSG. Made a lot of headway on that.

Not sure if the prayer I started on is done or not. I intend to do various things to it, one example of which is to print it, so I can repeat it later. I also want to turn it into a sigil for some sigil magick. So far, the prayer asks for money and a cheaper place to live.

When I got home, I took a picture of Shao'Kehn (AKA Djao'Kain, like in the icon) and the Onyx Gate, modified it by putting brick walls on either side of the gate, and made it my new background image. Spiritual imagery as a reminder to myself. :-)

I'm also pondering other means of keeping my mind on my spirituality more often. Things like drawing come to mind. May do that later tonight. I'm also thinking, like I used to, about prayers or something for certain times of the day, like prayers for good dreams before bed. I used to do that a lot. Make prayers for certain times of the day, that is; it was so hard to try to make a habit of those kinds of things that I almost always gave up after a few days, and I doubt it'd be any easier now, but hey, writing prayers is a spiritual activity for me, so I'll have that if nothing else.

Drawing reminded me, I was thinking about using drawings to remind myself to say a few words about certain subjects (or prayers) at certain times of the day. This differing from pre-written prayers because for some reason I tend to find it easier to ad-lib something than try to memorize a prayer I wrote ahead of time, no matter how good.

Ah, and I was singing in Traipahni style earlier. May record some of it later. I also need to keep trying at making a habit of sitting at my altar every day, even if it's just to sit and think or attempt to meditate.

Oh, and I need to go to that bead store and get another leather cord with clasps and jumpring, so I can have one for my silver Shao'Ahn'Dih'Gahn. Seems silly to be able to display my inverted pentagram but not my Shao'Ahn'Dih'Gahn, especially when the SADG is more important to me, and a reminder to myself.

So spirituality-wise, it has been a fruitful day. Though it was a sudden lushness from the desert; last few days I can't recall doing much that was spiritual. Though I did do some thinking about possible new stories in the Traipah storyverse, and designed a Traipahni spacecraft. So that's something. Anything that gets me thinking for more than a few minutes about Traipah is a spiritual experience for me.

Crossposted from http://fayanora.dreamwidth.org

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