The Djao'Mor'Terra Collective (fayanora) wrote,
The Djao'Mor'Terra Collective
fayanora

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Bleh, grammar issues.

I'm a little confused on some grammar in this one part of the story I'm working on:

      “Sorry,” she said at last. “I didn't know how long you'd be at that, and I was tired.”
      Forizano had not moved. He was still staring at her in bewilderment. Meriel simply sat there, straight up in the chair, her hands folded on the table, and stared into his eyes with one eyebrow raised. Forizano finally snapped back to his senses and said uncomfortably, “Well, let's continue, then, shall we?”

(A)

My issue is, should it be like that? Or like this:

      “Sorry,” she said at last. “I didn't know how long you'd be at that, and I was tired.”
      Forizano had not moved. He was still staring at her in bewilderment.
      Meriel simply sat there, straight up in the chair, her hands folded on the table, and stared into his eyes with one eyebrow raised.
      Forizano finally snapped back to his senses and said uncomfortably, “Well, let's continue, then, shall we?”

(B)

Or like this:

      “Sorry,” she said at last. “I didn't know how long you'd be at that, and I was tired.”
      Forizano had not moved. He was still staring at her in bewilderment.
      Meriel simply sat there, straight up in the chair, her hands folded on the table, and stared into his eyes with one eyebrow raised. Forizano finally snapped back to his senses and said uncomfortably, “Well, let's continue, then, shall we?”

(C)

It's a minor issue, but it's causing me a lot of confusion for some reason. So what do y'all think? A, B, or C? Or something else completely? Personally, I like B best, because it treats each of their actions like dialogue, but I'm not sure it's good grammar.

Crossposted from http://fayanora.dreamwidth.org
Tags: confusing things, creativity, seeking help, stories, writing
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