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Bleh, grammar issues.

I'm a little confused on some grammar in this one part of the story I'm working on:

      “Sorry,” she said at last. “I didn't know how long you'd be at that, and I was tired.”
      Forizano had not moved. He was still staring at her in bewilderment. Meriel simply sat there, straight up in the chair, her hands folded on the table, and stared into his eyes with one eyebrow raised. Forizano finally snapped back to his senses and said uncomfortably, “Well, let's continue, then, shall we?”

(A)

My issue is, should it be like that? Or like this:

      “Sorry,” she said at last. “I didn't know how long you'd be at that, and I was tired.”
      Forizano had not moved. He was still staring at her in bewilderment.
      Meriel simply sat there, straight up in the chair, her hands folded on the table, and stared into his eyes with one eyebrow raised.
      Forizano finally snapped back to his senses and said uncomfortably, “Well, let's continue, then, shall we?”

(B)

Or like this:

      “Sorry,” she said at last. “I didn't know how long you'd be at that, and I was tired.”
      Forizano had not moved. He was still staring at her in bewilderment.
      Meriel simply sat there, straight up in the chair, her hands folded on the table, and stared into his eyes with one eyebrow raised. Forizano finally snapped back to his senses and said uncomfortably, “Well, let's continue, then, shall we?”

(C)

It's a minor issue, but it's causing me a lot of confusion for some reason. So what do y'all think? A, B, or C? Or something else completely? Personally, I like B best, because it treats each of their actions like dialogue, but I'm not sure it's good grammar.

Crossposted from http://fayanora.dreamwidth.org

Comments

( 3 comments — Leave a comment )
kelly_holden
Dec. 1st, 2010 10:57 am (UTC)
B's the closest, but I think you only need to start a new paragraph at the two instances of 'Forizano'. The first description of his actions and the description of Merial's actions can probably go in the same paragraph because there's no dialogue, but the second description of his actions is also a dialogue tag, and therefore definitely needs a new paragraph.
fayanora
Dec. 1st, 2010 11:00 am (UTC)
Thanks!
darkoshi
Dec. 2nd, 2010 02:19 am (UTC)
I like A best. B seems too choppy, having a different paragraph for each sentence, even without dialogue. Another way of doing it would be to put everything before the last sentence in one paragraph, and the last sentence in its own paragraph.
( 3 comments — Leave a comment )

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