(Jesus was a Discordian.)
I've been having some interesting conversations lately with my girlfriend, Lilla (lee-la), about her path. She calls herself a Christ-ian (christ-ee-ann) Pagan. So she's been telling me about her research into the life of Jesus and his teachings, as well as having a friend of hers "Aspect" the J-man ("Aspecting" means "channelling the consciousness of said person into one's body, so it's like being posessed by Jesus). Lots of neat things have come of these. (Of course, I already liked the real Jesus before all this, but Lilla's findings make me like him even more.)
First, a note: Jesus was a Jew. Jews back then spoke mostly Hebrew and therefore could not say the J sound. So Jesus's real name was Yeshuah ben Yosef. (Yeshuah, son of Yosef.) Yosef was his father, Miryam (meer-ee-am) was his mother.
And "virgin" back in the day simply meant "unmarried." Jesus's parents were "getting it on" before they were married!
For one, Yeshuah was a rebel Jew. In his day, parents had absolute control over their children, and men had absolute control over the women. The Jewish priests had absolute control of everyone (everyone Jewish anyway) and there was essentially only one allowed sect of Judaism. Anything else was heresy.
One of these heretical groups was the Samaritans. They combined different religions (which ones, Lilla has yet to tell me) and most Jews would not even LOOK at a Samaritan, much less speak to one. Yeshuah not only talked to Samaritans, but to Samaritan WOMEN, as EQUALS. Hugely controversial at the time.
Plus, Yeshuah combined faiths too. He worshipped God the Father of Judaism, but also other Gods and Goddesses as well. Since the first commandment was "Thou shalt have no foreign Gods," this was a even huger no-no. I wouldn't be surprised if Eris had been one of his Goddesses. :-)
Yesuah was also a shaman, and did a soul-journey to call Lazarus back to his body, thus reviving him.
But what was really getting on everyone's nerves at the time (not just the Jews but everyone else as well, like the Romans) was his proclamation: "I and the Father are One, and Ye are my brethren!" Which even in its day was misinterperted. What it really means, of course, is this: "I and God are one and the same, and so too are you all one and the same as God." The sleepwalking masses did not take kindly to this idea at all. Only his followers were awake enough to "get it." Most of them, anyway.
Also, the Jewish priests had deliberately misinterperted some of the things in the Torah that gave them the excuse to get rich and fat (much like "Christian" priests and clergy do today) while condemning the poor and the poor of spirit. So Yeshuah defied these priests by saying that the poor and poor of spirit were just as worthy, if not more worthy, to enter the kingdom of heaven as the fat priests.
There are other things, too. Specifically, quotes of his that disturb some people because they don't understand them. Like this, from the Gospel of Thomas:
"Perhaps people think that I have come to casy peace upon the world. They do not know that I have come to cast conflicts upon the earth: fire, sword, war.
For there will be five in a house: there'll be three against two and two against three, father against son and son against father, and they will stand alone.
17 Jesus said, "I will give you what no eye has seen, what no ear has heard, what no hand has touched, what has not arisen in the human heart."
I first found the first two "paragraphs" of this quote in scarybiblequotes.com, and agreed at the time it was scary. But it just means that Yeshuah KNEW his teachings were considered heresy among his people and others, and that it was going to cause chaos, whether anyone came to accept his teachings or not.
This knowledge also explains how he "knew" he would be executed. As such a vocal, controversial, and infamous heretic, he knew it was only a matter of time before someone had him killed.
"Whoever does not hate father and mother cannot be my disciple, and whoever does not hate brothers and sisters, and carry the cross as I do, will not be worthy of me."
This means that those who cared more for what their parents/family said and believed than what they themselves believed in their heart could not be a disciple of Yeshuah, because his teachings were heresy at the time.
(If you have any other Yeshuah quotes you'd like me to find the context for, let me know. fayanora @ yahoo.com)
Still, not everything in the Bible and other texts that he supposedly said were things he really said. And besides, he was just human... he was struggling on his path just like anyone else. I challenge anyone to find one truly sane human being on this planet (or in orbit, for that matter).
Yeshuah being a human, also did not die on the cross to be resurrected. He just managed to barely hang on. He was near death when his followers took him down. (And contrary to popular belief, he was not nailed to the cross, but tied to it.) He lived on to have a daughter with Miryam Magdelene, exploring the world. There is evidence he went to Britain and other Celtic places, even evidence that he managed to travel as far as India. And from some other things I've heard, I wouldn't be surprised if he had ended up in North America.
In short, I'm beginning to consider myself, among other things, a true follower of Yeshuah's true teachings. Which, since I think Lilla's term "Christ-ian" is too close to "Christian," and because most of the Christians are as far from Yeshuah's teachings as it is possible to be, I call myself (among other things) a Yeshuan. A Yeshuan Discordian.
And since this "Jesus" fellow of the Christians bears little or no resemblance to the guy it was based on, I call him only Yeshuah now. Or Yeshuah ben Yosef. And his wife was Miryam Magdalene. I don't know what their daughter's name was, Yeshuah dropped mostly out of written history after
(His disciples said to him, "is circumcision useful or not?"
He said to them, "If it were useful, their father would produce children already circumcised from their mother. Rather, the true circumcision in spirit has become profitable in every respect."
He is obviously referring to the fee the Jewish priests charged for circumcisions.)
Heh... a New Age Yeshuan Gothic Discordian with Satanic tendencies. I see no contradictions in that. :-)