?

Log in

No account? Create an account

Previous Entry | Next Entry

Story troubles

I'm having some trouble on my "Carbon And Silicon" story. That problem is, I can't make any forward momentum on it. Well, not entirely true... I made an outline of the things I wanted to happen in the story and came up with some great ideas. On my way back home I was thinking about what my problem with the story itself is, and I have identified two distinct problems:

1. The Zedaleph race is so vastly different in certain ways from humans that I just don't know how to work within their limitations:
      First, they're not an organic race, they're a machine race.
      Secondly, they live on another planet and until the events of this story have never met a sentient organic lifeform for the millions of years they've been around. And as a result of their "replication," they have no sex and no gender. I don't know how to write this... at least in my Traipah stories, the Ah'Koi Bahnis - who are hermaphrodites - are organic and have sexual reproduction and they have gender, too (a much more flexible kind than human gender). But this? A sexless, genderless race who manufacture their children... I don't know how to write it. More specifically, it makes character relationships harder to figure out. Even with something that vaguely resembles sex (the "intimacy node"), it's proving difficult.
      Third, they don't reproduce, they replicate - which is essentially a fancy term, in their case, for "they manufacture their children." As a result of this, they have no parents - they are raised by groups of clergy in a system that resembles a boarding school in some ways and an orphanage in others, but there's nothing I know of amongst humans that really compares.

2. I don't think 1st person perspective is working for this story. And I think it's my narrator's fault. I mean, granted, I rarely write in first person, but I had a number of reasons why I decided to write this one in 1st person. Those reasons remain valid, but Fiomi, the main character and narrator, is - so far - kind of dull. Fiomi is friendly enough, and is a nice person, but I don't know about his narration skills. He starts out the first several pages describing the Zedaleph race, his birth, and then wanders off into Zedaleph social issues, not stopping until I nudged him to write something more interesting. But he's still talking about his past. It's all very interesting and relevant, but there's something off about it. I can't quite put my finger on it.

I suppose it might be this impatience I have long had a problem with, in being too keen on moving the story along and not going with the present moment, not enjoying the process. I had to really struggle with that even in my Traipah novels.

But then again... I don't think that's the only problem. I'm not sure what's wrong, but something is wrong with Fiomi's narration. That, and I'm not so sure the story really fits 1st person narration. I think I can achieve the goals I set out for this piece with my usual "3rd person omniscient selective." I considered the possibility that I just suck at 1st person, but I *did* once write a short story in 1st person that was AWESOME. The story was "Channeling Icarus," and the main character/narrator was Lord something-or-other (I can't recall his name right now), a scientist on the world named Orion. The story was fantasy, and Lord what's-his-face's culture was akin to 17th or 18th century Britain or early colonial America - physically and in dress I had him as vaguely similar to Ben Franklin - and he studies lots of things, but his passion of the time of the story was demonology. As in scientifically studying REAL demons. Now, he was a bit wordy and long-winded and used (naturally) an archaic manner of speech, so in that case, 1st person was *perfect* for his character and for the story. I don't think it would have worked from any other perspective.
Also, I made another fantasy story once that takes place in the same universe as the one above, only on Earth instead of Orion, and the first version of the story was 3rd person omniscient selective. The first version sucked. The second version was written in 1st person, the Damon Johnson (Johnston?) character narrating. That version was awesome! So I know I can do 1st person when it suits the story. I just don't think 1st person suits "Carbon and Silicon." At least, not with Fiomi narrating. And I can't think of anyone else to narrate it. So I might just switch over to 3rd person omniscient selective, like I usually write in.

But if there's anyone out there who would like to read what I have so far and offer their opinion of it first, I'd love to let you do so. You can email me = fayanora at yahoo dot com

Comments

( 2 comments — Leave a comment )
erithianopius
Mar. 31st, 2010 10:10 pm (UTC)
There is a human equivalent to the Zedaleph boarding school/orphanage that their children are raised in - a kibbutz raises children in a similar way.

I could definitely help in terms of writing about the Zedaleph, primarily because I think like one in terms of interaction. I have always liked the concept of a genderless race that engineers its offspring. In one story of mine, humans evolve into a race that grows their children with "exo uteri" because 1. They need to regulate population growth very carefully, and 2. they consider it barbaric to continue natural childbirth, considering how painful and traumatic it is to the mother, when they have the technology to do it another way.

As far as relationships in such a world, they would be very intellectually based. There would still be deep relationships, but they would be based on common thought, interest, and philosophy. In a way, this makes for deeper relationships than in human society. The concept of a "soul mate" is much more important, since that is essentially the only kind one would have.
fayanora
Mar. 31st, 2010 11:09 pm (UTC)
humans evolve into a race that grows their children with "exo uteri" because 1. They need to regulate population growth very carefully, and 2. they consider it barbaric to continue natural childbirth, considering how painful and traumatic it is to the mother, when they have the technology to do it another way.

In my Mindeodean storyverse, the Zokek reproduce with artificial wombs, too. I haven't figured out yet, though, if they did it on purpose or not. They're a little mysterious.

As far as relationships in such a world, they would be very intellectually based. There would still be deep relationships, but they would be based on common thought, interest, and philosophy. In a way, this makes for deeper relationships than in human society. The concept of a "soul mate" is much more important, since that is essentially the only kind one would have.

Indeed. :-D
( 2 comments — Leave a comment )

Profile

mourning
fayanora
The Djao'Mor'Terra Collective
Fayanora's Web Site

Latest Month

August 2019
S M T W T F S
    123
45678910
11121314151617
18192021222324
25262728293031

Tags

Powered by LiveJournal.com
Designed by Taichi Kaminogoya