1. Perversion - I've been a little perv since before I even knew what sex was. My favorite games as a child were "playing naked" and "I'll touch yours and you touch mine." I first had sex around age 8 or 9, and it was OMG TEH GAY SECKS! Then I discovered the concept of sex and, more importantly, combining sex with humor. I have had a pervy sense of humor ever since. And the more uncomfortable I can make people, the funnier it is for me. Hence a fondness for jokes like this:
A) I saw David jerking his equine friend's cock even though the equine was deceased. He just doesn't know how to stop beating off a dead horse.
B) John Wayne Gacy and a little boy are in a forest late at night during a thunderstorm. The little boy says, "I'm scared!" John Wayne Gacy says, "YOU'RE scared? You're not the one who has to walk back home by himself!"
C) A man comes home to find his wife crying and packing her suitcases. "What's wrong, honey?" he says. "I'm going home to mother's!" she replies. "But why?" he asks. "Because I just found out you're a pedophile!" she replies. "My," he says, "that's an awfully big word for a 10 year old!" (My mother told me this joke!)
2. Stephanie - I presume ranka means Stephanie of LazyTown, since I am such a huge fan that he told Twitter even before I posted this meme that he associates me with her.
I am a certified weirdo. Seriously, I have a Certificate Of Weirdness around here somewhere. I like weird things. I also like children's movies, books, toys, anything and everything (almost) to do with children. I *am* a child, at heart. And LazyTown combines these two things I love: Weirdness and stuff made for kids. Seriously, it is one of the strangest kids shows I've ever seen. Makes H.R. Puffnstuff (sp?) look normal. (Okay, not really. And Zoobillee Zoo actually wins the Weird catagory for turning half our generation into Furries.) The American/Global version is weird enough, but the Icelandic version makes the American version look blah and boring and normal in comparison.
Anyway, I love the color pink far more than is normal or sane. And so does Stephanie. Even her hair is pink! So it's little wonder I admire her. I also envy her youth and looks, and wouldn't mind looking like her. Especially since thousands of pervs all over the internet are constantly drooling over her. I admit I would like to be drooled over. (As long as you're not physically drooling *over* me.) And I'm into ageplay as a little, so this goes together with #1. Which I don't doubt ranka knew full well when he compiled this list. ;-)
3. Discordianism - I've always been fond of humor, especially its ability to say serious things while making people laugh; its ability to tackle controversial topics in a disarming way. Just TRY to discuss flammable topics like child abuse seriously without getting into a flame war. But crack jokes about Michael Jackson's alleged proclivities and VOILA! You can pretty much discuss anything if you use humor.
Even religion and its flaws. Discordianism took this to new (at the time) heights by make a religion that no one can tell whether it's a joke or a religion. (They don't realize it's both! Just like Scientology. Only in Discordianism's case, it was intentional.) Discordianism paved the way for the Invisible Pink Unicorn, Bob Dobbs, and The Flying Spaghetti Monster, as well as Last Thursdayism and other awesome things.
Plus, who can resist a religion where you get to be your very own Pope and call yourself whatever label you want (such as a Reverend or an Imam)? Especially when you can give yourself a totally cool Discordian name. (The Principia Discordia mentions, for example, Padre Pederastia.)
4. Intelligence - Have some. Or I mock thee. And tell my friend Satan to rend your immortal soul's flesh with burning hot pitchforks for all eternity. *Pleasant smile.*
5. Dirty-mindedness - No perv can be a perv without a dirty mind. Last time I checked, even Hercules couldn't clean my dirty mind; he tried diverting several rivers and a lake to clean out my dirty mind and only succeeded in polluting the water and creating radioactive muck monsters. The EPA was threatening to sue the shit out of Hercules, but then Zeus destroyed a nearby tree with lightning. And there wasn't even a tree there a moment before - they were indoors.