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Crack bread

There is this bread, a kind that's fresh-baked in the store. I think it might be some sort of Italian bread, I dunno. But it's thin-sliced, tends to have air holes in it, and makes the best toast in the universe. How good of toast does it make? Well, I normally only eat toast once in a blue moon, but whenever this bread is in the house, I have toast every day until it's gone, sometimes 2 or 3 times a day. This bread is like crack to me. So much so that when I saw it was running low I tried to find some at the nearby FredMeyer's. All I could find was this asiago cheese bread, which is okay, but it's not crackbread (as I call it).

Crackbread comes into the house via Lilla and/or her mom. I don't know where they get it, but I think I should keep that knowledge a secret from myself or I might just end up a crackbread addict, selling my posessions to feed my addiction until I end up whoring myself for crackbread money and taking my little toaster around to any place with electricity, stealing those little packets of butter or margarine from Panera. Then I'll have a bad episode of nearly ODing on crackbread after having a fight with a homeless man over a tub of margarine and have to go to Toast Rehab and then Toast Eaters Anonymous.

("Crackbread comes in a little clear bag."
"A little clear bag?"
"A little clear bag!"
"And this little clear bag goes into the box like a battery."
"Huh huh."
"And the crackbread box goes somewhere against your anatomy...")

Comments

( 6 comments — Leave a comment )
the_vulture
Mar. 12th, 2009 06:15 pm (UTC)
REEEEPOOOOOMAAAAANNNNNNNN!!!

(I had to get that in there after recognizing your ditty as a parody of the only musically worthy event in the film Repo: The Genetic Opera.)
fayanora
Mar. 12th, 2009 07:17 pm (UTC)
It *is* the best song in the entire movie. But I think "I'm only living out a lie" is pretty good too.
the_vulture
Mar. 13th, 2009 02:57 am (UTC)
Honestly? I can't remember that song. I have to say, for a film that featured such an offbeat premise, a reknowned opra singer, and someone who earned much fame and love amongst Rocky Horror Show fans for his portrayal of Dr. Frank N. Furter, this movie really underwhelmed me. A lot of talent got wasted on this film.
fayanora
Mar. 13th, 2009 09:12 pm (UTC)
someone who earned much fame and love amongst Rocky Horror Show fans for his portrayal of Dr. Frank N. Furter

Who was that?
the_vulture
Mar. 14th, 2009 03:21 am (UTC)
Gile... err, Anthony Stewart-Head
fayanora
Mar. 14th, 2009 10:40 am (UTC)
Anthony Stewart Head played Frank-n-Furter?
( 6 comments — Leave a comment )

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