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Tis the season

I absolutely ABHOR the use of real trees for Christmas/Yule. It's bad enough we use trees for paper, but to kill an entire tree so you can decorate its copse corpse for a week or so and then toss it to the curb? How would you feel if trees killed millions of humans every year and decorated their corpses, sacrificing humans to a festival celebrating consumerism? You wouldn't like it very much, I think. So every year, around Christmastime, I go on the PETOP (People for the Ethical Treatment Of Plants) warpath. I assure you, I am quite serious. FIR IS MURDER! FAUX IS YOUR FRIEND!

"Oh Dear Tannenbaum"
By Fayanora


Poor little tree, killed for your fir,
I pine with rage at your murder;
Your life ended for a one-month decoration,
I scream my rage at your desecration;
Evergreen never again, oh Tannenbaum,
I weep my rage at how you've been wronged;
Fir is murder, people should invest in faux,
And until they do, I will tell them so.

©2003 PETOP

"Faux Fir"
(To the tune of "Oh Christmas Tree")
By Fayanora


Oh Christmas tree, oh Christmas tree,
Sacred, sublime in your glory.
Or at least you were, before the saw-
Blades took you into the deep maw
Of a holiday, a holiday,
That only lasts two nights a year.

Oh Christmas tree, oh Christmas tree,
You are so wild and so free,
Now that they've torn your roots apart,
Because they have a frozen heart,
For chlorophyll, for chlorophyll,
Anything that's alive, they will kill.

Oh Christmas tree, oh Christmas tree,
I'd rather that it had been me.
They sacrificed you on the altar of
A holiday dedicated to love,
And harmony, and harmony,
I wish that it had been me.

Oh Christmas tree, oh Christmas tree,
You are perennial just like me.
Or at least you were, before you died,
Am I the only one who cried
For your murder, for your murder,
Who else cried for your murder?

Oh Christmas tree, oh Christmas tree,
Why don't they get it, why don't they see
That the death of such a beautiful life,
Is just so wrong and is not right,
For a holiday, a holiday,
They killed you for their holiday.
Oh Christmas tree, oh Christmas tree,
They killed you for a two-day holiday.

~~~

The 2004 version

I founded PETOP - People For The Ethical Treatment Of Plants. FIR IS MURDER!

PETOP pamphlet

I'm not the only one!

Comments

( 24 comments — Leave a comment )
(Deleted comment)
fayanora
Dec. 5th, 2008 02:45 am (UTC)
YAY! Support! :-)

I like the idea of an outside tree being decorated. Just not a dead one. :-)
christinaathena
Dec. 5th, 2008 04:06 am (UTC)
I dunno, that seems a bit overboard to me to call it murder. Artificial trees are definitely much better from an environmental perspective, though. Less space in landfills, less destruction of forests, etc.

(I do like "Fir is murder", though ^_^)
fayanora
Dec. 5th, 2008 06:20 am (UTC)
Yeah, I'm very fond of the puns I can make with this. Fir is murder! Faux is your friend! I especially liked the copse/corpse pun. :-D
christinaathena
Dec. 5th, 2008 06:25 am (UTC)
Faux is your friend ... I just now got that one! Didn't get it when I first read it. ^_^

Edited at 2008-12-05 06:26 am (UTC)
fayanora
Dec. 5th, 2008 06:36 am (UTC)
:-D
christinaathena
Dec. 5th, 2008 06:39 am (UTC)
I tend to miss puns in writing, cause I don't really "hear" the words in my head, so I don't "hear" the similarity in sounds, unless I'm paying attention. I mean, I do "hear" the words, but it's, like, the sound is just next to the words themselves. I dunno if that makes any sense. It's hard to put into words. :-)
fayanora
Dec. 5th, 2008 06:42 am (UTC)
When I read things, I hear them in my mind. Though I still miss puns on occasion due to being dense. There used to be these commercials for Kay Jewellers that played all the time, saying their slogan, which is "Every kiss begins with Kay." I heard that frequently for several years before I finally got that it was a pun. :-)
christinaathena
Dec. 5th, 2008 06:47 am (UTC)
I think my language processing is more visual than audio, actually. Especially since I sometimes "see" written words when I'm listening to someone speak. Like, I'll "see" a written transcript of what they're saying. But, in speech, I can still often catch the pun because it is still sound. In writing, I have to be actively paying attention to the sound of the words.

What's really weird is listening to J-pop, cause sometimes I'll "see" what they're singing written in romaji, sometimes in kana, sometimes with kanji (for those words whose kanji I know). One time, I remember wondering why they were using romaji to say something, and then realized with a bit of a surprise "Wait ... they're singing ... romaji's part of writing!" Very weird experience.

(I wonder if that would count as a form of synesthesia?)
fayanora
Dec. 5th, 2008 06:58 am (UTC)
I think my language processing is more visual than audio, actually. Especially since I sometimes "see" written words when I'm listening to someone speak.

I'm the opposite of that, I guess. Though I can and do occasionally do that, too.

Something else odd: I tend to not see other peoples' spelling errors unless they're really really horrible, and sometimes people will make comments about their spelling and I have to look at it again cuz I'm like "Huh?" at first.
But my own spelling errors I almost always catch before posting.

What's really weird is listening to J-pop, cause sometimes I'll "see" what they're singing written in romaji, sometimes in kana, sometimes with kanji (for those words whose kanji I know). One time, I remember wondering why they were using romaji to say something, and then realized with a bit of a surprise "Wait ... they're singing ... romaji's part of writing!" Very weird experience.

XD

(I wonder if that would count as a form of synesthesia?)

Probably. Wouldn't surprise me.

Me, I only know English and a little Spanish. I listen to foreign music for its musical qualities, obviously not for the lyrics. Though it does amuse me to know what Rammstein lyrics are sometimes. My dad is one of those people who doesn't really understand homosexuality, but believes "to each their own." Still, we used to rock out to Rammstein together (he's too far away now), but he still likes Rammstein and listens to their albums.. I specifically remember him rocking out to "Mann Gegen Mann," which I later found out was about gay sex. :-D It amuses me every time I think about it.

So I usually don't care what they're saying if it's a foreign group. But I do like listening to Danna Paola and trying to figure out her lyrics, though, because I know just enough Spanish to catch the odd word here or there and get all curious about the rest of it. Occasionally happens in German, too, actually. My dad is a huge WWII buff and is really interested in German,1 he even got me into the habit of saying "Guten nacht" instead of "Good night." Spanish and German are two languages I would love to speak fluently.

1 = These kinda go together with him, but he's definetely on the side of good, not a Hitler fan at all.
christinaathena
Dec. 5th, 2008 07:05 am (UTC)
Well, I know very little Japanese, so I don't usually know what they're saying, but I'll still sometimes see the writing, even though I don't know what the writing means! That is, when I get something more out of it than "pretty sounds" ^_^ (Which actually tends to be how I process a lot of English-language songs, too ... I have a hard time processing songs)

I suspect that my brain actually processes spoken language through the part that normally processes writing, which is why I've always been much better at learning reading and writing in foreign languages than speech. Cause the speech is an extra step, I have to first turn it into writing and then figure it out!

(That's also one reason why I'm so interested in learning ASL - it's a purely visual language, none of that messy sound stuff to deal with! ^_^)
fayanora
Dec. 5th, 2008 07:16 am (UTC)
My mom knows ASL, because she used to work with mentally retarded individuals, and a lot of the ones she worked with could only speak in ASL. I know the ASL for "I love you," "eat," and a few others. I also know the ASL alphabet.

One benefit to ASL is that, being a visual language, it's easy to learn. Most of the signs make perfect sense, like the sign for "eat" is basically placing your hand to your mouth. And the sign for "I love you" is making the ASL letters I L and Y all at once with a single hand. (Like the hard rock devil horns gesture, but with the thumb out.)
christinaathena
Dec. 5th, 2008 11:54 pm (UTC)
Yeah, I've actually already taken one semester of ASL, and I'm finding it a lot easier than other languages I've studied. Even the signs that are entirely arbitrary, I find easier to recognize than sound-based languages. (Incidentally, in Japanese, I generally found kanji easier than kana; word-based as opposed to sound-based writing)
fayanora
Dec. 6th, 2008 05:13 am (UTC)
Yes, ASL is pretty awesome.
christinaathena
Dec. 5th, 2008 06:49 am (UTC)
There used to be these commercials for Kay Jewellers that played all the time, saying their slogan, which is "Every kiss begins with Kay."

I know what you mean. I'd always heard that as "Every kiss begins with K", which struck me as a very banal slogan. ^_^ "Yes, and every hug begins with H, so?"
fayanora
Dec. 5th, 2008 07:01 am (UTC)
I never even connected Kay to K. The moment I finally did is when I "got" the pun. I just thought they were saying "Every kiss begins with Kay," not punning at all. They might as well have said "Every blow job begins with Kay" for all I cared, I didn't see the pun for ages. :-)

Sinfest icon FTW! Though I think some of the words are cut off.
vandigo
Dec. 5th, 2008 04:12 am (UTC)
We've had the same fake tree in out hose the entire 20 years I've been alive. .D
fayanora
Dec. 5th, 2008 06:21 am (UTC)
We had our fake tree for a couple decades too, and finally it got so pathetic-looking the parents finally got rid of it and replaced it.
vandigo
Dec. 5th, 2008 06:22 am (UTC)
XD Well . . . this one we gotta chock up to german engineering I guess . . .
fayanora
Dec. 5th, 2008 06:36 am (UTC)
Cool!
vandigo
Dec. 5th, 2008 06:36 am (UTC)
.D
fayanora
Dec. 5th, 2008 05:30 am (UTC)
This is from the song "Disgustipated" by Tool:

And the angel of the lord came unto me, snatching me up from my place of slumber.
And took me on high, and higher still until we moved to the spaces betwixt the air itself.
And he brought me into a vast farmlands of our own midwest.
And as we descended, cries of impending doom rose from the soil.
One thousand, nay a million voices full of fear.
And terror possesed me then.
And I begged,
"Angel of the Lord, what are these tortured screams?"
And the angel said unto me,
"These are the cries of the carrots, the cries of the carrots!
You see, Reverend Maynard, tomorrow is harvest day and to them it is the holocaust."
And I sprang from my slumber drenched in sweat like the tears of one million terrified brothers and roared,
"Hear me now, I have seen the light!
They have a consciousness, they have a life, they have a soul!
Damn you!
Let the rabbits wear glasses!
Save our brothers!"
Can I get an amen?
Can I get a hallelujah?
Thank you Jesus.

Life feeds on life feeds on life feeds on life feeds on........

This. Is. Necessary.

It was daylight when you woke up in your ditch.
You looked up at your sky then.
That made blue be your color.
You had your knife there with you too.
When you stood up there was goo all over your clothes.
Your hands were sticky.
You wiped them on your grass, so now your color was green.
Oh Lord, why did everything always have to keep changing like this.
You were already getting nervous again.
Your head hurt and it rang when you stood up.
Your head was almost empty.
It always hurt you when you woke up like this.
You crawled up out of your ditch onto your gravel road and began to walk,
waiting for the rest of your mind to come back to you.
You can see the car parked far down the road and you walked toward it.
"If God is our Father," you thought, "then Satan must be our cousin.
" Why didn't anyone else understand these important things?
You got to your car and tried all the doors.
They were locked.
It was a red car and it was new.
There was an expensive leather camera case laying on the seat.
Out across your field, you could see two tiny people walking by your woods.
You began to walk towards them.
Now red was your color and, of course, those little people out there were yours too.


http://www.moron.nl/lyrics/tool/disgustipated-lyrics.html

Here's the video:



It takes a while to get started. And it will sound weird at first, but this is just like it sounds on the CD.
liquidpandora
Dec. 5th, 2008 01:41 pm (UTC)
My mom's had a fake tree for the last 7 or 8 years because her and I are both allergic.

But, I get a real tree every year I can anyway, as does everyone I know, and everyone in Southern Louisiana is encouraged to do so as well. Our old trees don't go to landfills.

http://www.jeffparish.net/index.cfm?DocID=1089

http://www.christmastree.org/recycle2.cfm#rebuilding



Plus, the factories that make fake trees spit toxic crap into the environment, and those plastic things are housefires waiting to happen. Plastic is a lot more flammable than wood, and the fumes will kill you faster. I'm never having one of those abominations in my house.

And its not like the trees are from pre-existing forests. They get planted in the spring, specifically to be christmas trees. The only forests getting destroyed are forests of christmas trees that weren't there a couple of years before. Imagine how much less oxygen/more greenhouse gas the atmosphere would have if we didn't have that many extra trees planted every year. Not to mention all the factory shit if the fake tree demand spiked that high from everyone suddenly stopped getting real trees.

Now, if I catch someone near a forest or a roadside or a field, cutting down a tree that wasn't planted to be a damn christmas tree, that someone's getting shot.


( 24 comments — Leave a comment )

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