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( 10 comments — Leave a comment )
slurmqueen
Mar. 20th, 2008 11:54 am (UTC)
Hahahahaha! That is great. I don't have junk mail a zillionth as much as I hate junk texts and junk email :p
slurmqueen
Mar. 20th, 2008 11:54 am (UTC)
Ugh *hate.
fayanora
Mar. 21st, 2008 06:18 am (UTC)
Junk email I can handle, Yahoo gets most of it. It's the blatant waste of paper that bugs me about mail spam. If I had a brick, I'd love to send that kind of thing back to them.

As it is, I have done other fun things with mail spammers. With those instant approvals for credit cards, I have sent them porn and non-hazardous garbage. I once sent a very interesting letter to one:

Reverend Isaac Ptolemy Phreighleigh
PO Box 17157
Wilmington, DE 19885-7157

Sir or Madam
CapitalOne
PO Box 30284
Salt Lake City, UT 84130-9886

Dear Sir or Madam,

      I thank you so kindly for being interested in having me aboard as a customer of your esteemed company. However, I must gracefully decline your offer, for I am a recovering addict of gambling, and a new line of credit might tempt me into my old ways. Furthermore, I am also a recovering alcoholic, and I would be too tempted to use my new line of credit to buy booze.
      What is more, a line of credit with your company would open up the doorway to being able to once again purchase the illegal drugs I used to down in copious amounts before turning to the Lord. I must admit I live with these addictions every day, feeling them pulling at me, every little thing being another temptation into sin again. And... I fear not only for myself, but for my congregation as well. For I am also a recovering sex addict, and a new line of credit would allow me to purchase the services of prostitutes who would satiate my every erotic need. But... but I must not think on that now.
      As much as I would love to accept your credit card, I simply cannot. I... I am working for the Lord now. As much as gambling away money on the chance of winning the jackpot sounds good, as delicious as a nice cold refreshing beer would be, as much as I would love to feel that buzz from snorting a line of cocaine again, and no matter how scintillating it would be to tenderly caress the thighs of a beautiful woman again – and pound her hot wet pussy with my throbbing mass of man meat – I sadly must...
      OH MY GOD! What am I DOING with my life? Here I am, serving a God I don't believe in! Giving sermons to people as bored with religion as I am! Living a clean and sober and BORING life! FUCK THIS SHIT! Fuck God! Oh CapitalOne, thank you so much for tempting me back into sin! Thank you!
      YES, please, SEND ME EVERYTHING I NEED TO GET A CREDIT CARD RIGHT NOW! Because in my stupidity, I threw it all away! PLEASE! Now! RUSH it to me! Because I cannot wait! I have to go gamble, booze it up, get stoned out of my gourd, and fuck a thousand whores till my cock bleeds from sheer exhaustion! SIN IS FUN!
      THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!!!

Sincerely,

Reverend Isaac Ptolemy Phreighleigh


I sent the same basic one to Discover Card as well. Isaac's address on this one is Discover Card's address. On the one sent to Discover Card, I used CapitalOne's address as Isaac's address. :-)

Edited at 2008-03-21 06:19 am (UTC)
slurmqueen
Mar. 24th, 2008 04:32 pm (UTC)
LMFAO!!! Fricken hilarious!! That'll learn them for killin trees :)
fayanora
Mar. 26th, 2008 11:14 am (UTC)
Indeed!
wizwom
Mar. 21st, 2008 06:02 pm (UTC)
My brother got a book once, "Dirty Tricks" - which included such whimsical gags as this.

I recall one, which was to mail a sack of urine, complete with razor blades taped to cut it open carefully protected during shipping. Ah, the mind soars, to think of such things done to the evil.
fayanora
Mar. 22nd, 2008 07:12 am (UTC)
That one would be illegal on so many levels.
kengr
Mar. 22nd, 2008 12:15 pm (UTC)
Actually, the "send a brick" stuff has been illegal for *years*.

fayanora
Mar. 23rd, 2008 07:24 am (UTC)
Oh? You would think they'd welcome the income from it.
fayanora
Mar. 23rd, 2008 07:26 am (UTC)
Checked on Google, and it's not illegal... but they wouldn't deliver it because it would be considered "waste."
( 10 comments — Leave a comment )

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