December 22nd, 2019


Source code pranks

What I would do if I had access to the source code of reality, but could only use it to do practical joke type things:

1. Every time anyone shoots a gun, they shit their pants. It comes out as burning diarrhea and dribbles down their legs.

2. Every time Donald Trump tells a lie, he vomits.

3. Every time someone says trans women aren't women, a snake crawls out their nose. It is very painful.

4. Every time someone says something racist, they get a charlie horse in their jaw that takes 20 minutes to subside.

5. Every time someone says vaccines don't work or that they cause autism, they're forced to smack themselves in the face as hard as they can.

6. Every time someone says the earth is flat, their minds are transferred to the body of an astronaut in the ISS for an entire day. They have no control of the body, and the astronaut doesn't know they're there.

7. Every time a man beats a woman, he gets horrible period cramps for a week straight.

8. Every time somebody says or does something homophobic or transphobic, they piss and shit themselves.

9. First time a teen or adult hurts a child, they have to punch themselves in the face as hard as they can, and they lose all their hair. (ALL their hair. Head to toe.) When it grows back, it is puke-color orange. This color is now permanent. If they hurt a child again, their orange hair becomes impossible to shave or trim, but it stays the same length, unless they hurt a child again, in which case it grows five inches every time they hurt a child.

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