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May 13th, 2019

Comeback: To measure how much I care about your opinion, I'd need to measure it in Planck lengths.

This was cross-posted from https://fayanora.dreamwidth.org/1441834.html
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Life hack: put chap stick on chapped hand skin. My hand smells like strawberry lavender, but it's working better than lotion.

This was cross-posted from https://fayanora.dreamwidth.org/1442278.html
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(Purrs to self in comforting way)

It's kind of a cliche to say someone who has passed "touched a lot of lives," but it's especially true of Lily Elteto. Jesse has been going around Belmont and Hawthorne telling all the people she was friends with about her passing, and he's probably only halfway done after 5 days, there's so many people who loved her. And that's not even counting people around Powell's downtown (I don't know that there's any there, but she went there often enough I'd be surprised if there weren't any).

I've also been trying to track down a couple people I knew she knew whose names I can't remember. One of them I haven't seen since before I met Jesse, so he likely doesn't know her. I can't remember her name, though, and Cat didn't seem to recognize her by the description I gave. Wait... AHA! Naomi! I remember now.

I'm... managing. It's kind of surreal, actually. I'll feel fine most of the time, courtesy of the part of my brain that shunts difficult emotions away to be dealt with later, and I'll be able to think of her without anything more than regretful sadness. But then I'll start talking about her with someone or thinking a lot about her and the emotions come back and threaten another crying jag. It's kind of weird. I cried exactly once for my grandma when she died, days after it happened. I've never cried this many times about anything before. I wonder if it has anything to do with the hormones I've been taking. Or maybe it's just the sudden, unexpected nature of her passing? Grandma was in the process of dying for weeks before she finally went, whereas Lily's death was completely out of left field. I didn't even know seizures could be deadly until that night.

I think it's making things even harder for me, motivation wise, but also sometimes easier. I've found it easier to get myself to the meets with Jesse, Cat, and Victor because we all knew her and we're being there for each other, and because Lily brought us together and so on. But today and last Friday, I really want to go to Brooke's, but I'm finding it even more difficult. It doesn't help that it takes two hours to travel from one place to the other, but that's not really why. I dunno.

Bleh. I have to get up to put some things back in the fridge, at least.

This was cross-posted from https://fayanora.dreamwidth.org/1442495.html
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Scary thought

So there's this theory that says it's possible that the vacuum we know may not be true vacuum. That instead of the void of spacetime being at its lowest energy state, it might be a false vacuum, like... instead of being a rock on the ground, we're like a rock resting on another rock, and we might "fall off." If that happened, true vacuum would propagate at the speed of light and destroy the entire universe.

The fact that true vacuum propagates at the speed of light is especially terrifying, because given the sheer size of the universe, it means this process might have been happening for a billion years already and just hasn't reached us yet!

In fact... isn't there a big, unexplained black spot on the background radiation map? Could that be true vacuum propagating? Could we already be doomed?

This was cross-posted from https://fayanora.dreamwidth.org/1442784.html
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