May 5th, 2014

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CPAP and sleep

For the first few months of using the CPAP machine for my sleep apnea, I suddenly stopped remembering most of my dreams, and mostly couldn't even remember that I'd *been* dreaming at all, which is highly unusual for me. But lately, I think I've finally been getting used to it. Been remembering my dreams again, and the ones I forget I still remember that I'd been dreaming.

Still having issues with indentation marks, but I found a solution for the worst indentation, the one that appears on the bridge of my nose in the morning: putting cloth there under the piece that's making the mark makes it not appear there in the morning. I'm going to try putting some cloth under the bottom straps as well, because those are the second worst bit. The redness from the rest of the mask blends in with my rosacea, so...

Anyway, improvements. That, and the fact that wearing the mask doesn't hurt anymore. Pressure marks I can deal with.

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I was reading part of Peter J. Carroll's "Liber Kaos" book the other day, in the part about color magick, and specifically about "octarine," an idea he got from Terry Pratchett, which he defines as being a person's personal color of magick which has the essence of the magick of the colors it's made of, then described his own. I thought about what mine might be for all of 2 seconds before I knew what it was. I was like, "Duh, the bright red/orange color of Chaos Fire," which is what Djao'Kain is made of, and what I picture when I do my magick. So I looked up Orange and Red in the book. For orange he had "Thinking magick," which is associated (so he says) with "charlantry, trickery, living by your wits, and thinking fast on your feet". I don't much care for his description of orange magick, and I will be doing more research into the meanings of that color.

Red, meanwhile, is War/Combat Magick, of which he says, "Red magic has two aspects, firstly the invocation of the vitality, aggression, and morale to sustain oneself in any conflict from life in general to outright war, and secondly the conduct of actual combat magic." This seems to suit me and Djao'Kain pretty well.

There may also be an aspect of Yellow Magick in there as well, given the sheer brightness of Chaos Fire and also the fact that I've drawn lots of pictures where Djao'Kain has yellow sun-like eyes. Also, Molly Elizabeth, who has done magick with us before, is fond of yellow.

Yellow Magick is solar magick, which suits Molly pretty well, seeing as she's the only member of the collective who really likes sunlight. Of Yellow Magick, Carroll says:

The four aspects can be characterised as follows. Firstly the Ego, or self image, which is simply the
model the mind has of the general personality, but excluding most of the extreme behaviour patterns that
the selves are capable of. Secondly Charisma, which is the degree of self-confidence that a person
projects to others. Thirdly, something for which there is no single English term, but which can be called
Laughter-Creativity. Fourthly, the urge to Assertion and Dominance. All these things are manifestations
of the same yellow power; although their relative emphasis varies greatly between individuals.

This, and further details into Yellow Magick, also seems to fit us well.

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