August 19th, 2013


Tea lights

One problem I have as a pagan is candles. I love candles, I love lighting them, but they make fucktons of soot when I do, especially since I use between 6 and 9 candles. (Or just the big black one sometimes.) And my altar time ranges from 20 minutes to an hour, so the room is full of smoke when I'm done. It's helped a little bit by the fans in the windows circulating air, and would be helped even more by the big fan, but the big fan makes the candles gutter and go out.

Also, it's summer and they put out a lot of heat. And I have a roommate now, so while the smoke would have only bothered me before, there's someone else it can bother now, since it creeps into the living room even when the door is closed. Having the roommate, who sleeps at night instead of the day, also means I have to be quiet, so I can't do the full singing I want to do. I could always do that stuff in the daytime, but it has a much more dramtic feel to it when done at night.

Ah, but I have a solution! The other night, I used two electric tea lights for candle-quality light; I got them as a prize at a Beltane game once. While not quite as good as the real thing, it was adequate and didn't make smoke. I also found I can do my singing/throat singing very quietly indeed. I got the idea when I realized I was doing that kind of singing on the bus and people right next to me gave no sign they could hear me. That, combined with the fact that even when I think I'm shouting, I'm still barely audible, made me realize I could sing so only I could hear it.

When the month rolls around again, I am going to go to Target and buy some more of those electric tea-lights, since they don't put out much light and it took a while for my eyes to adjust to the low light. I tried looking for them on Target's web site, and couldn't find them. I dunno, maybe they're seasonal or something. I hope not. I need to find some!

Maybe later on down the line I could even get some of the bigger electric candles I saw on the Target website.

This was cross-posted from
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Elle looks up

Nightmares versus entertainment

I often have dreams that others would consider nightmares, but are not nightmares to me. Things that might have come from a horror story. Monsters and so on. No matter how gory they are, or how un-gory, the goriness does not seem to matter. I can be dreaming of monsters eating people, and it might not be a nightmare. But a dream I had last night had no gore or violence in it at all, and I consider it a nightmare. In the dream, a teenaged boy is invited over to a family friend's house for dinner. While there, he wanders outside and happens to see a teenaged girl being hunted by a bunch of dogs at the command of one of the house's occupants. Instead of doing the intelligent thing and quietly escaping, he stupidly goes back inside the house and confronts the other man who lives there, asking him why a teenaged girl is being hunted down like a fox or a deer. The man stands up, holding a knife, and says something to the effect of "You know too much, and now I'm going to have to kill you. A shame, really; I was looking forward to a quiet meal with you." And then it seemed the guy was too busy cooking to kill the kid just then, so he locked the kid in the bathroom. The kid was desperately trying to escape, I could feel his emotions even though I was just watching him. When it seemed he was unlikely to escape, I decided I didn't want to watch this, and woke up. Which is good, anyway, because dreaming of bathrooms is almost always a sign that my body needs to use the toilet.

The oddest thing about that dream, in terms of "nightmare or not" was that I only technically consider it a nightmare, even though I wasn't afraid or even creeped out, it was a nightmare because I could feel the boy's fear in the dream, and because there threatened to be gore. (It also had a creepy vibe.)

There are apparently several considerations as to whether something is a nightmare for me or not:

1. Is the scary thing I'm dreaming about real? Serial killers are real, monsters are not. Which makes them scarier to me.

2. Am I the potential victim in the dream, or just watching them? If I'm just watching, there's less of a chance it's a nightmare, even if I'm seeing things from the victim's point of view. But if I can feel their emotions (like I *am* them or empathically feeling their fear) then it is probably a nightmare.

3. Is the potential victim someone I care about? If yes, then it's pretty much guaranteed to be a nightmare.

4. Am I the monster? If I'm playing the role of the monster, it's less likely to be a nightmare for me. I have not yet had a dream where I was a serial killer or mad scientist, so I don't know what my reaction to that would be. But I've had dreams where I was a monster eating people and far from it being a nightmare, I was disappointed when the dream ended. Which probably stems from a lifelong obsession with monsters and with pretending to be a monster. (What I wouldn't have given, in elementary and high school, to be able to turn into a monster and slaughter my bullies! Or at least scare them witless. I've even considered writing a story about a girl with a monster for a friend.)

5. Do I wake up afraid and/or creeped out? If yes, it was a nightmare, regardless of content. A good example of this is I've had two different dreams, months apart, where I was a professional exorcist in a dream. One was merely entertaining (that was the one where I invoked Shao'Kehn to exorcise the spirit), and the other had a creepy, oppressive air despite the silly way I finally exorcised the demon ("Be them counted and compelled, they can quickly be dispelled!")

6. Is there a lot of gore? The higher the gore content, the more likely it is to be a dream. I remember one of my most frightening relatively recent nightmares was one where I witnessed a mad scientist making "human centipedes" and taking people's brains out while they were still alive and not anesthetized. This despite the fact I've never watched any movies like it. But just the fact people talked about that human centipede movie so much gave my brain horrible ideas.

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