December 15th, 2012



Later today, I'm going to help the elderly neighbor of a friend move some heavy stuff downstairs, since she's moving into a ground floor apartment in the same building. She and I were talking about it at her apartment earlier when I offered my help; there were these two nice wooden chairs she was just going to throw away because there was some minor cat damage to the upholstery. She offered to pay $10 for my help, and I was like, "If you're just gonna throw away these perfectly good chairs, I'll take them off your hands for you." So now I shall be getting $10 and two nice wooden chairs. This is good, because my computer chair is partially busted; if I lean back in it, it will make me tumble backwards. And I can use the $10 for laundry.

Let's see, that makes how much found/salvaged/free furniture in my apartment now?
1. Microwave stand
2. Unfinished wooden desk acting as a TV stand
3. Black wooden desk acting as a side table/storage thing/laptop computer stand
4. Computer chair
5. Comfy chair
6. Wooden chair that I don't really use
7. Now the two nice wooden chairs

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Steph Pensive

Confusion is my lot in life.

When I was a young teen, I finally started paying attention to other people, and finally determined to understand them. I thought, "I'm the same species as these other two-legged beings, it should be simple to figure them out." At the same time, I began work introspecting, trying to figure myself out.

It's been over 15 years since that began, and what have I learned? That humans are impossible to understand. The more I learn about other people, the less I understand, and the more frustrated I get. The more I learn about myself, the more questions I have and the less I understand. I understand myself better than I understand others, at least.

Sometimes I feel like an alien, trying to figure out these human beings. Other times, I feel like the only slave to realize we're all slaves. And every time I think I really understand other people, something happens that proves me wrong and raises dozens of other questions.

But I keep trying. Naively, I keep persisting, thinking maybe I can at least figure out enough to get by in the world better.

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