January 24th, 2012

mourning

My tweets

Collapse )
Djao'Kain

That is something I've not done in years.

Tonight I did something I've not done in years. And it all started with one of the semi-regulars at the pagan meetup, Dawna, being in dire straights. She said it was alright to do prayers/rituals for her to get help out of her problem (she might be homeless soon). I missed the 71 bus, and instead of doing the things I normally do while waiting for the bus, I decided to raise some energy for Dawna in the 20 minutes I had.

Note: I will be talking of things I visualized during the working as though they literally happened, because my imagination is pretty much THAT good. When I say I see fire, I pretty much actually see fire. It's translucent, but otherwise looks and behaves exactly like real fire.

I started out walking in a circle chanting and rhyming about what she needed (luck, "the power of coincidence on her side," and stoking her inner flame). I got out of mundane headspace and into ritual headspace; I had made the area by the bus stop sacred and between the worlds. Momentum built up, and the things that tend to happen in ritual for me, like my eyes and skin turning into fire, and fire swirling around me like a tornado of fire, happened. I kept going around in a circle for a while, but then I stopped and stood looking up into the sky, and directed my fire into the sky, starting a large swirling vortex of hot, firey energy, still directing this energy for Dawna's benefit. The power surging through me was at a level I hadn't felt for years, and it kept growing. As the power grew, so did the flames I was seeing, and so did the flaming vortex of energy. (Oh, and part of what I was chanting was "a fire that lights another only grows itself.")

And then I did something I haven't felt since before I left Iowa. I directed a beam of this fire-form energy into the vortex, and it wrenched at my chest like it used to back in Iowa, like my very life force was being ejected. Which would have drained me pretty quickly, except that the fire coming off me was replenishing my own inner flame, which is basically what used to happen in workings I did back in Iowa. So I kept adding energy. The vortex of energy was so huge, that if it had been real, it would have caused mass panic all over Portland. Oh, and I was also adding energy through the earth, so this energy would get to Dawna from above AND from below.

In other words, earlier tonight I raised more energy than I've done for over five years. And I'm pretty sure I've never raised that much energy for a single person before in my life.

But it gets better. It's been at least half an hour since then, and I still feel Shao'Kehn strongly in my head. We were One for about 10 or 15 minutes after the working. And the lava skin, the burning eyes, the heat waves, and even breathing fire - among other visualizations from the working - have not faded since then. Half an hour or more after that working, and I still feel so close to Shao'Kehn that we still feel like we're made of fire.

And there's more. Hopefully you all know by now that I had a past life on Traipah, and am an avatar of Shao'Kehn, who is a popular deity on Traipah. The past life/past lives I had were mostly the humanoid Ah'Koi Bahnis. Well, AKB have two hearts. Shortly after the working ended, I could feel both hearts. I can still feel both my human heart and the second, AKB heart on the other side of my chest. This... this is new to me. I've never before, that I can recall, felt both my hearts. And each heart is full of a fire that's been merrily burning away, and every so often I take a deep breath that causes these fires to swirl around in a vortex and then settle down again, and I keep expelling flame on the exhale. The two hearts thing is an incredible sensation, one that I hope persists.

But yes... I can't put into words how awesome it is to have found - and be feeling - my second heart. To feel two heartbeats, and two flames of power, in my chest. I am blessed.

Sahn-Kia, Shao'Kehn, Koh Soh La Kohrain.

This was cross-posted from http://fayanora.dreamwidth.org/1057730.html
You can comment either here or there.