Every Sunday, my sleep has been getting worse and worse. The crazier my sleep schedule gets, the harder it is to go to bed before midnight and be up at 8:45 AM. I thought it was going to be easy for once, last Saturnight1
, because I was actually tired at 11 pm despite having woken up at 4 earlier. I thought I'd finally get 8 or 9 hours of good sleep before getting up to go to church (Unitarian Universalist). HA! I got four hours of good sleep, woke up to use the restroom, and couldn't get back to sleep. I tried having my mind think of pleasant things that might segue into dreams, but no go. I lay there for two hours before I gave up and got up, using the computer for a while. Another hour or two passed, and I got tired again. So I attempted to sleep for two more hours, which was all the time I had left to do so. I got very close to sleep, but never all the way. Always there would be something jerking me out of what little progress I had made.
What's worse, I've started hallucinating electronic noises. One of the times I got woken up, it was the sound my phone makes when it's running out of power. I got up, found the phone, flipped it up, and found it had full power. The sound it makes when it's running out of power is distinctive; nothing else I know of sounds like it.
Then I kept being jerked awake because I kept hearing the beep of the alarm clock. Now, I have two alarm clocks. The older one, which I never use, screeches horribly at me. The newer one does a series of single beeps, speeding up and getting louder with each beep. But it never takes more than a few seconds between beeps. So I'd hear the beep of the alarm clock, and when a minute or more passed without another beep, I knew it was a hallucination. Which, of course, didn't stop the same thing from happening about a dozen more times for those two hours. (But hell, I'd rather hallucinate electronic noises than creepy voices like that one time.) Oh, and a week or so ago, I was woken up by the sound of my mom shouting my name. Which, as soon as I woke up, I knew had to be a dream, unless Mom either learned how to shout from one side of the country to the other, or had dropped by unannounced (which is far less likely than the first).
Anyway, went to church and about the only thing keeping me awake for a lot of it was the fact that it is impossible for me to sleep sitting up. I can get damned close to "asleep" while sitting up, but never quite all the way. But I was awake enough for enough of it to appreciate a good service. The sermon was great and so was the organ music.
I skipped the social hour stuff, because I wanted so badly to get home and attempt sleep again. Only stop between there and home was the library, where I dropped off some books and DVDs. Was blessed by Dochramahn Tu-Ra on the way home, in that instead of waiting half an hour for the 71, it got there less than five minutes after I did. Got home, went to bed. Slept alright for once, for about 4 or 5 hours.
All this sleep insanity has resulted in an upset stomach and diarrhea (earlier today), as well.
Blargh. And my 'net got turned off again. I won't have enough money to pay the Internet bill until February. I hate my fucking life. I'm holding out for things to get easier. I can't wait for Lilla and I to move in together again so I can hold onto more of my money and be less stressed. I should have known this would end up happening; I can't take care of myself like a normal adult. If it's not one thing, it's another. And though I am introverted, I *do* need other people more often than I get them now.
Oh gods... this crap, where the rent takes most of my money and leaves me without enough to pay my bills... I just can't do this shit anymore. I need major help.
So yeah, Shao'Kehn, I'd like to make my own challenges now, instead of trying to weather the challenges of life that I'm obviously unequal to. Please?
*Sigh* I suppose this gives me the solution to my problem of how to get out of the house more. And with this setup Brooke has for me in her back room, I can do either writing or Internet without feeling like her bed is trying to kill me. (Her bed/sofa, really a futon, is the most uncomfortable thing ever. I have no idea how she sleeps on it, a bed of nails would be more comfortable.) Yes, any kind of hard chair is more comfortable for me than trying to use a bed, but that futon of hers is just ridiculous... a sack full of pointy rocks would be more comfortable.
1 = Saturnight: the night immediately following sunset on Saturday, lasts until the sun rises on Sunday. Same principle applies to Sunight, Moonight, Tuesnight, etc. I understand the reason for arbitrarily choosing midnight as the Day One/Day Two division, but without a common way to differentiate nights from days, I came up with one.
This was cross-posted from http://fayanora.dreamwidth.org/1056015.html
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