July 9th, 2011

mourning

Dream last night

Forgot until now: I had a dream last night wherein I was trying to get the ghost of a little girl to follow the light to the other side (though I called it "Heaven" in the dream, so she'd understand). In the process, I ran into some strange plant that hooked some barbs into my skin so deep that it would requie surgery to get them out. I didn't have a phone on me, but filkertom had one, though the only number he could call was the number of his band, which he had on speed dial. I woke up before the dream could be resolved.

Crossposted from http://fayanora.dreamwidth.org
mourning

If I say I like your poetry, I really really mean it.

If I ever read an entire poem of yours, and say that I like it, even if the language is simple (like "Pretty good" or "I liked that"), consider that a rave review. I may write a lot of poetry, but 97% of other people's poems, even by renowned poets, cause me either intense boredom or physical pain, or both, a few lines in; I don't know why... it just does, and it always has. Actually reading and enjoying someone else's poems is not common for me. The only famous poets I can consistently read are e.e. cummings and Shel Silverstein. I can think of only one person on my friends list whose poems I read and enjoy consistently: [personal profile] ysabetwordsmith.

Seriously, a poem was my first experience of having a physiological pain response to reading something. Whether it's an inherent brain dysfunction or related to depression, I don't know. What I do know is that something similar happens with a lot of things on the Internet, and didn't start happening until about a year or so ago. Brooke is often griping at me for not reading the full text of articles I tweet, but trying to read even paper books I enjoy is like slogging through thick mud. I rarely read more than a few lines of the articles I tweet because reading farther has the potential to invoke a physiological pain response in me. Not as intense of one as the kind I get from some poetry, but bad enough to want to avoid it.

Other people's behavior has also long been a potential source of physical pain to me, as well. Especially stupidity. I don't know if it's connected or not.

Don't even get me started on forms and paperwork. MIGRAINES. That shit can give me MIGRAINES. And it sucks the energy right out of me. Not even a "sleepy" kind of loss of energy. More of a "I've been dragged by wild horses and then tied to a tree during a hurricane" kind of exhaustion.

I find it really bizarre, when I think about it, to be feeling actual head pains from purely psychological stimuli. But it's the truth.

Crossposted from http://fayanora.dreamwidth.org