April 20th, 2011


Poem: "My Goddess and I"

I wrote this over the past hour, while thinking about my relationship with Shao'Kehn, and what I would say to a proselytizer if one were to come into my home. I kept Shao-Kehn's name out of it in case others found it relevant to them.

“My Goddess and I”
By: Ahnabahn Morph'Oht'Spwiigohl Tay'Kay'Yah1
(AKA Tristan A. Arts)

Alone one day in contemplation,
The doorbell rang for me.
I answered it with small frustration,
For I'd not been expecting company.

A stranger stood outside my door,
A Bible in his hands.
He asked if I'd met his god before,
For conversion was his plan.

So, polite, I let him in,
And made the man some tea.
He spoke a lot of God and sin,
And I got a brochure for free.

After he had spoken for a while,
I sipped my tea and said,
“It sounds like the right path for you,
But might kill my own soul dead.

“For this god of yours sounds so aloof,
With communication just one way.
As to myself, I need some proof
That my Deity hears the things I say.

“My Goddess answers inside my mind,
In words as clear as a sunny day.
Just the slightest poke inside my mind,
And there She is, soon as I pray.

“She's been through so much with me,
Her love unconditional and stable.
She's held me, loved me, believed in me,
Even when I found myself unable.

“My Goddess has not judged me ever,
Nor has She punished or berated.
She's firm but gentle, and quite clever,
Her love for me is unabated.2

“And when I hated myself so very much
That I tried to fall to my demise,
My Goddess stopped me with a touch,
Tears of sorrow in Her eyes.

“Even the years when I felt dead inside,
From fear, depression, and stress,
And my spirituality seemed to have died,
She still loved me, and tried Her best.

“I rarely felt anything, rarely spoke with Her,
But when I did, She was always there.
With wisdom and love, a comfort for sure,
More reliable, even, than water or air.

“She comforts me and soothes my fears,
She strengthens me and helps me learn.
And my Goddess, through all these years,
Has never asked for anything in return.

“Plus, She's not burdened by a holy book
Self-contradictory and obsolete.
Her wisdom is immediate as a look,
And as relevant to today as can be.

“I would not be alive today without Her,
Nor coped with the world so well.
And though I don't believe in it, sir,
Her help would be worth going to Hell.

“I do not proselytize or preach my way,
Nor expect anyone to join me.
Since I know for a fact that when I pray,
My Goddess has practical, real help for me.

“My Goddess is precisely what I need,
Nothing more and nothing less.
I could no more follow your creed,
Than you could worship Bes.

“You talk of a personal God who cares,
But your prayers are too one-sided.
And I'd rather suffer Hell and stares
Than to have not been – by Her – guided.”

So it was the preacher sighed,
And picked up his black tome.
A nod of his head his only reply,
As he quietly left my home.

~ ~ ~ END ~ ~ ~

1 = One of my spiritual names. Means "Reverend Beautiful Pyre."

2 = I found this line so powerful, I considered naming the poem "Unabated."

One last note: Djao'Kain and Shao'Kehn are two names for the same Deity.

Crossposted from http://fayanora.dreamwidth.org

Rituals and other spirituality musings

Oh, I seem to have forgotten to mention that I did a second ritual the day (night) after the last one I posted about. It was also nearly identical to the one the night before it. But then I got a little petered out. Even at the height of my spirituality years back, I did rituals maybe once a month or once every two months. Rituals are great for refueling the spiritual gas tank when it's low, and perhaps I needed two in as many nights since I'd been running on fumes for so long. But it worked. I'm not up to 100%, of course; that took years and years to get to from the beginning. I'm maybe at 70%. Got lots more work to do in regard to my spirituality, lots of lost ground to reclaim. But when the tank it already full, or mostly full, another ritual is often a waste of time and effort. Though with as much reclamation as I need to do, maybe it won't be wasted effort.

I think I'll aim for one ritual a month at least. That should keep me going.

I also need to keep other spiritual actions in mind. Before, at the height of my spirituality, I wrote poems, did drawings, wrote "scripture," wrote fables, wrote in Traipah stories, and all kinds of other things that were oriented around my spirituality. Because, as the name implies, they were a big part of my spirit. So those things will be priorities in the reclamation of my spirit. I already have a long-term goal, something to think about when I need to think about spiritual stuff: writing down the Noi'ii'ohn'ay'ya, which is the main sacred text of the Yahgahn path (Shao'Kehn and my other Deities are Yahgahn Deities). Which will be difficult, because Yahgahn has something in common with ancient Greek religion: each Deity in Yahgahn has at least one cult (in the old sense of the term) devoted to them, and each cult has its own stories, its own take on the mythology, which is almost always centered around their Deity of preference. So I have to figure out, for the Noi'ii'ohn'ay'ya, where they agree. Which will be hard. Shao'Kehn, for one, is normally called Shoikin in Yahgahn mythology. The Shao'Bahn Order, which is the most popular Shao'Kehn cult on Traipah, isn't even the first Shao'Kehn cult. They got a lot of what they teach and practice from the Daan Order (Ahndahn cult) and from the Duenicallo version of the Shoikin cult, where Shao'Kehn was called Djao'HKehn. (The HK being a kind of throat-clearing sound.) Djao'Kehn is still a sacred name to the Shao'Bahn, but they went with Shao'Kehn because it's easier to say. (And the Dj in Djao'Kain sounds a little like an Sh.)

Figuring out the tale of Nahtahdjaiz (Child Goddess of Children) is going to be hard, too. I currently have Her arising from nothingness and being adopted by Shao'Kehn and Ahndahn, but I don't know if that's what the Nahtahdjaiz cult would teach or if that's just my own take on things since I'm both a Shao'Bahn AND in the cult of Nahtahdjaiz (who is the only Deity other than Shao'Kehn I've ever had a conversation with, though that might have been pre-2005 Molly).1 I also have an unwritten tale wherein She has lots of siblings, which is also connected to the Shao'Bahn stuff since these siblings are biological children of Shao'Kehn and Ahndahn. Someday I want to write that tale down, figure out the details.

Meanwhile, I've realized that Ah'Koi Bahnis are not exactly diurnal. They may, in fact, prefer dawn and dusk, but still being awake in the daytime. And they often stay up for several hours of night, possibly napping in the middle of the day. And Duenicallo are mostly nocturnal. Seeing as I have both an AKB and a Duenicallo living in my brain with me, I suspect these facts may contribute to my ever-crazy sleep schedule.

By the way, the icon is a picture of Nahtahdjaiz.

Note to self: TPNN dictionary lacks words for "unity," "unite," and "united." Seeing as one of the major Orders on Traipah has a name translating to "The Unity Order," and runs the important Unity Schools (kind of like public schools, but MUCH better), this oversight must be corrected. Make the words sound good, especially the word for Unity.

Unite = ah'tahv'yahl
United (only if past tense) = gohn-ah'tahv'yahl
Unity = ah'tahv'yahl'ik
Unity Order = Ah'tahv'yahl'ik Ahn'djaik
Unity School = Ah'tahv'yahl'ik Kusahnikij

1 = I've been trying to figure out whether or not I'm also a Daan. (Daan = Daan Order = Cult of Ahndahn). If you hadn't already guessed, one can be a member of more than one cult, in Yahgahn.

Crossposted from http://fayanora.dreamwidth.org