December 28th, 2010

cognitive hazard

I was feeling silly. Can you guess the song this is based on?

Who wants to buy this construct of compressed carbon set upon a band of AU79? This construct of compressed carbon in a crystallized lattice set upon a circular band of refined AU79 with added copper, its value is relatively low in an emotional context for me. The female human I was ceremonially and symbolically bonded to removed it from her digitus annularis, thus symbolically ending her affiliation with me. My perception is that the construct's compressed carbon has lost its luster, more symbolically than literally. The construct's personal emotional value has become minimal. So if you have a human being of same or opposite sex whom you wish to ceremonially and symbolically bond with, perhaps its value will be greater subjectively for you. Let its crystalized, compressed carbon surface reflect light cast upon it for you, symbolically representing the light of love.

The compressed carbon part of the construct is certified to be naturally made and not produced via artificial means, which I find to be a potent metaphor for the quality of one's love. And if your mate does not cheat on you (however you define cheating) and more loyal perhaps, then perhaps this construct can have symbolic meaning for you where it does not for me.

Crossposted from
Cyborg velociraptor by Djinni

"Swag you want from fictional worlds" meme.

What items from your fictional worlds do you most wish you had for real, and why?

Oh gods, there are so many things. I'll go by storyverse.

Lyria Spellspinner/Playground of the Gods storyverse: In Portland's rainy weather, I find myself wishing for one of the hydrophobic cloaks Lyria sells in Vraygrotta during the rainy season. What they are, are cloaks enchanted to repel water. The raindrops hit a pretty solid and invisible force shield a centimeter from the fabric. Wearing one, you will never get wet no matter how torrential the downpour. She also sells hydrophobic boots.

Lyria also has a device that magically loads knowledge and other data into your head instantly. I want one of those. Not sure what I'd want it loaded with, though. Magical knowledge comes to mind, but if that storyverse were true (terrifying prospect, given some of the details) and we're in it, well... Earth is a magical dead zone, has been ever since some epic battle between two groups of Gods. So fat lot of good learning magic would do me here, in that case. (Magic from outside is fine, but if you're born on Earth, you'll be lucky to have much of any magic.) Unless, of course, we're in some alternate Earth where real magic has merely been forgotten. (That storyverse has so goddamn many alternate universes in it...)

And good gods, a sun crystal gun (kinda like a laser pistol, but magic) or a lightning gun like in "Mother." (And I do mean *lightning*) I'd set the lightning gun to "knock out a mofo" (not the actual setting name) and never have to worry about intruders. Heh, "I tried robbing them but I got hit by a bolt of lightning. Next thing I know, I'm in the hospital." :-D Though actually, the lightning gun in "Mother" is rather clumsy, needs to be cranked to recharge. I'd want an automatically-recharging version. The only problem with a lightning gun would be that it makes thunder, too.

One last thing: an Omnitongue amulet. It gives the wearer Omnitongue, or the ability to understand and speak any language at all, instantly. With some effort, you can even get such an amulet to work on animals like cats and dogs.

Mindeodean storyverse: FABBERS. Must have fabbers, they make practically anything. Two of them (in case one breaks down, I can fab spare parts). One of the models that recycles things, too. And a fuckton of element canisters. It'd be well worth the rent for a storage unit.

And that far in the future, Mindeodean has super-efficient solar power things that get as much out of the sun as it is physically possible to get. I want that, so I can patent it. :-D

Also, an invisibility suit. And a working stack farm. No idea where I'd put a stack farm, seeing as the smallest ones are enormous, but given the money I could make patenting the damn thing, I could buy somewhere to put it.

Traipah storyverse: I'd rather go to Traipah and stay there for the rest of my life. But let's see, items from there I want. Hmm... okay, a hyperspace power generator, one of the ones made by the Na'Voom Da. These things come in sizes smaller than human fingernails and would end the planet's energy crisis with just a few hundred worldwide. Only downside would be, it's so far ahead of us technologically that it would take us several thousand years of advancement to even begin to figure out how to take it apart without breaking it, much less reverse engineer the damn thing. I'd say the same is true of most of Na'Voom Da and Vorsht tech.

Ooooh, a Xazian computer! They're alive, and can shapeshift. They're so powerful it would make the world's best supercomputer look like an abacus by comparison. I'd want one loaded with Xazian language and music. Because while Xazians' primary language is chemical signals, their secondary language is a sound-based language no human could ever hope to speak, and is said to be the most beautiful sound in the known universe.

I'd also want medical nanites to bring my weight down to 170, give me a sex change, remove unwanted hair (while bolstering wanted hair), shrinking my stomach, improve my hearing, and give me a "tune up" (clearing out clogged arteries, strengthening weak tissues, making sure muscles stay flexible, destroying damaged or cancerous cells, remove skin tags, etc).

Also, copies of all the most notable texts of the Shao'Bahn Order and the Daan Order. And load my Xazian computer with copies of everything from Traipah's greatest library, the Sahn-Kusahn. Considering they have something like 20-30K years of written history, poetry, stories, etc, that's several fucktons of new writings to own. I'd never get through it in one lifetime. :-) Oh, and an InstaLearn loaded with every Traipahni language up til when the novels take place, and every Earth language up until 2011. I could become a polyglot in just a few weeks!

Oh, I could go on and on about Traipahverse tech I want, but I shall stop.

Crossposted from

5 things you may not know about me

Meme from seanan_mcguire

5. As an Aspie, I am very set in my ways about my daily rituals. However, I am peculiar for an Aspie in that these rituals will occasionally change at random for no apparent reason. It is impossible to force me to change them, and I cannot even force myself to change them. But every now and then, one of the rituals will just... change. On its own. No apparent reason. And will feel just as ingrained as though I'd been doing it that way for years.
An example: I used to be unable to get to sleep without music going. Then, for no reason I could figure out, I couldn't get to sleep if music was going. I also keep switching back and forth between needing the sound of the fan to get to sleep, and being unable to sleep if the fan is going. It's not even regulated by season: I'm just as likely to need the fan in winter as I am in the summer, and vice versa. If it's too cold for the fan, I point it away from me. But I still need the sound. And there have been times I had to suffer sweating at night in the summer because the sound of the fan was keeping me awake.
One last example: I am usually not a superstitious person, but every now and then will suddenly become very superstitious. But, not having paid much attention to other people's superstitions, these superstitions will be unusual. "The floor is lava" is one. I can't really think of any others offhand.

4. I used to be mad about hats when I was a kid. I had soooo many hats. (Make all the mad hatter jokes you like. No, really, go ahead.) My favorite was this hat I called my Captain Hat, it was blue, with a hard black brim, and had a life preserver embroidered on it. Whenever I wore it, I was Captain Al, and the house was my ship. I would get on the porch to steer the ship safely through a raging storm. Pretty funny, considering I've never learned how to swim, or even to float, and would probably sink like a stone and drown if I ever fell in a large enough body of water.

3. Speaking of which, I almost drowned once as a child. My Dad had to pull me out, I think he may have even gone after me. I don't remember the incident, I was only 2 or so, and all memory of anything before I was 7 is completely gone, or blocked off. (Seriously, high-quality memories start around my 7th birthday. Before that, not a goddamn thing. Not one single solitary memory.) Death keeps trying to get me, and I keep kicking him in the balls. I wasn't breathing when I was born, the doctors never figured out why. I was just too full of stubborn to stay dead.

2. I used to LOOOOOOVE tapioca pudding. Then one day, Grandma called it "fish eye pudding" and I haven't had any ever since.

1. I used to do some things, as a kid, just to see people's reactions:
I'd let my hair grow as long as I could, and then get it cut really short for the reactions.
While I loved coffee, a large part of why I drank it at every restaurant I could was because most waitresses would gape at me and be like "You gonna let hir drink that?" Then I'd add that I'd been drinking coffee since I was 5, which is completely true.
At Pizza Hut Book-It pizza parties, I took full advantage of the fact that I could barely taste crushed hot peppers at all and would grab a shaker of the things and just shake shake shake until my pizza was bright red. Everyone would gape at me like I was insane, but to this day those crushed red peppers have very little burn for me. (Unless you count heartburn.)
Funny story: because of this, when I got some kung pao shrimp once, Mom and Dad warned me about the peppers, which I could tell by touching were dried. Thinking they were like the crushed peppers (and that I would thus be barely able to taste them) I put a whole one in my mouth and started chewing. Oh, I could taste it alright. BOY could I taste it! I had to spit it out and drink lots of fluids, it was so hot. Mom and Dad felt vindicated, but really, from my point of view it was a complete surprise. Something I ate large amounts of in crushed form without a problem was super-hot in whole form? How was I to know!

Crossposted from

Yay, my music keyboard arrived!

My keyboard arrived today! I was right about it coming while I was asleep. Good thing I put a sign on the door explaining that it would be a minute or two before I could get to the door. (Seriously, these UPS guys only wait for like 10 seconds after ringing the bell before running off, otherwise. Even Ding Dong Ditch players wait longer than that.) Signed for it, took it, locked up, went back to sleep.

Later, I took it out of the very big box it was in. The box it was in was almost as tall as I am, maybe 5 feet tall. The keyboard was in another, smaller box as well, one with printing on it. I took it out.

There is some kind of weird white gunk on the adapter wire, but careful examination shows no damage to the wires. I had a bitch of a time finding a place to plug it in, half the available outlets the damn thing just fell out of because the asswipes who run this place ignored my many requests for getting the outlets swapped out. Finally found one behind my bed that is convenient enough, and tested it out.

Took me a while to figure things out. I have more to figure out. The instructions, while in English, are not merely unhelpful, they are ACTIVELY UNHELPFUL. They refer to buttons that don't exist, and give you instructions that make no sense. I basically had to puzzle things out on my own. The illustration in the instructions offer no explanation of some of the buttons. Nor do the other parts of the instructions. Several things in the illustration are mislabeled.

The device has several "timbres," which are really instruments. Most sound like they're labeled, but several do not sound remotely like the instrument labeled. "Piano" is one. The piano setting is an electronic-sounding instrument; the sound bears no similarity to a piano. Guitar does not sound like a guitar, either; it sounds more like a piano, but not quite right for a piano, either. Mandolin doesn't even sound like a string instrument, and I don't know WHAT the accordion sounds like, but it bears very little resemblance to an accordion's sound. The others, like the organ, mostly sound just right. I'm glad it only cost just $25 before shipping!

There are several drumbeats, in things like "rock," "samba," "waltz," etc. The only one I have an issue with is "salsa," which sounds WAY too slow a pace to be a salsa beat. One can also control things like how long a note is held for, which is cool.

The neatest thing is the demo songs. I remember my parents had a cheap keyboard once, and I would play on it when I was a kid. The demo songs on that one were all crappy 80's electronica. This keyboard, however, has really awesome demo songs that I'd listen to just to hear it play them. I only recognize three songs, but all the songs are awesome.

Oh, and it has teaching functions, but I haven't tried those out yet.

All in all, not a bad keyboard for $25. But I'm glad I didn't pay more than that for it.

Crossposted from