November 21st, 2010

Cyborg velociraptor by Djinni

Multiple big bangs and some spiritual ramblings

A Facebook friend of mine posted this link and the text, "you see? because it is eternal, there is no beginning. no beginning means no creation. no creation means no creator. no creator means no god. BOOYA."

My response:
This confirms my own hypothesis of multiple big bangs. In fact, who's to say it's limited to one big bang per universe at a time? Maybe somewhere infinitely far away there are other big bangs, making universes inside our own multiverse, and they're so far away we'll never live to see the radiation emanating from them. And add to this, multiple alternate multiverses each doing the same things.

This does kind of disprove Xian creationism, but then, what doesn't? As to there being no being at all that can be called God, I am not sure. True, there is no beginning and no end. Time as such is an illusion and so-called linear reality is also an illusion, there are so many dimensions to existence we can't begin to really hold in our minds the Big Picture. I happen to think Existence is alive and sentient. I call this God, but maybe I should find another term for it. So many people, whether they are believers or not, have bizarre preconceived notions connected to the word "God." Like that it is a giant magical human. But in truth, "God" would be millions of times more alien to us than we humans are to ants.

Perhaps I will abandon the term God for my name for the sentient living Existence, and use the name Kohraindehr instead.

But yeah, Kohraindehr is not creator. Kohraindehr is All. It is the Omniverse, everything infinitely tiny and infinitely huge. So yes, the idea of God as Creator is based on limited human perceptions. If we take the human perception of linear reality and try to apply it to the "god" scale, we find ourselves a logical paradox with no solution, in that: who created the Creator? If it always existed, why call it creator? Why differentiate it from its creation at all? After all, if Creator always existed, it could not logically create something out of nothing, and would have to use itself as material for the universe. So one way or another we are left with Kohraindehr.
Adding: "Kohraindehr" is one of my Deities, the Deity of The All. Her story in the "creation story" of the Yahgahn faith is interesting... the last to appear in the story, She was actually there from the beginning.

The logic of "no beginning, no end, time is an illusion and humans are severely limited" may induce headaches if you think too hard about it, but it makes sense to me in a way that a lot of atheist's models of existence don't. I realize many atheists tend to like to base their cosmological models on existing data, but personally I think that is so limiting.

I admit, I believe in multiple big bangs, I believe in alternate universes, and myriad more dimensions than humans can even imagine. Considering that my own experience of reality is strange and barely linear, it's no wonder. And I've been perceiving life all around me from a very young age, even getting "vibes" from inanimate objects (I still do), so I reject both Creationism's view that inanimate objects are things with no life, and I also reject any similar supposition from science. After all, if you look down at the atomic, subatomic, and quantum scales, even rocks are teeming with dancing waves of energy. Inanimate objects are alive, and are energy beings! Our organic life-as-we-know-it is just another layer of complexity to life. Quantum particles and waves dance together to make protons, neutrons, and electrons; these bits *also* dance together to make atoms. Atoms dance together as molecules, molecules work together to form cells, cells into multicellular objects. And all of this life together forms the great Kohraindehr.

Sahn-kia, Kohraindehr! Koh Soh La Kohrain!

Crossposted from
Sammi Hanratty pigtails

Help name a new character!

I have a new character for my Lyria Spellspinner books. He is a scholar brought into Lyria's fortress to tutor her daughter Meriel, and possibly her other "children" (and eventually Lyria herself), in several subjects which Lyria is not the best at. He knows of Lyria's reputation and is wary, but what she gives him in return for these services is too priceless to him for him to turn her down (any more than that would be spoilers).

I have several options so far for a first name for him, all derived from the Latin word foris, meaning "out of doors, outside, abroad, from abroad, from outside, a door, opening, entrance." (It was the closest I could come to a translation for the word "outsider.") But I don't really like any of them particularly well. I don't really dislike them, either. So vote for one, or give your own suggestion.

This is essentially a test of the poll system from Dreamwidth. If it doesn't work right on LJ or IJ, come to to take the poll. It's set to "all can vote," so I don't think you have to have a DW member to vote on the DW version of the poll. If I'm wrong, well... just reply with your answer or PM me if you don't want your answer public.
(And since I don't know if IJ even does polls, and I have no intention of getting a paid IJ account, this might fail spectacularly on IJ.)

EDIT: Drats, it didn't occur to me that to remember that these polls are stored on their server of origin. Well, I'll append an LJ version of the poll to the LJ version of the post and remember not to crosspost any edits of the Dreamwidth version.

Livejournal version of the poll. Stupid work-arounds.

View Dreamwidth poll: Help name a character

Crossposted from
Cyborg velociraptor by Djinni

Here is the LJ version of the poll. Bleh, stupid work-arounds.

Please read this post before voting. Thank you.

Poll #1647421 Help name a character

Which name do you prefer?

None of the above

Do you have any name suggestions? (full, or just first, middle, or last)

In future, I am just going to do two separate, non-crossposted entries; one for LJ, one for DW.
Cyborg velociraptor by Djinni

My wonky perceptions of time.

Oh the joys of thinking I've posted something to LJ/DW and I find I never did. No, what I remember was writing a letter to Mom and Dad, and then tweeting about it. Reminds me of the time a few days ago when I was rudely awoken by what I thought was the doorbell, only to discover it was a dream/hallucination. (My doorbell does not sound a thing like what I dreamed/hallucinated.)

Anyway, so this post is going to be about my bizarre perceptions of time. I'll copy from the letter I sent Mom and Dad:
Sorry if I've forgotten to send birthday or whatever cards. I've been
learning a lot about myself lately, with all the extra time, and one
of the things I've learned is that I have a majorly weird sense of
time. I pretty much live naturally in the moment (not *for* the
moment, just *in* it), and apparently always have. The past is a
jumble of disordered memories I have to struggle to put into
chronological order, and there are more gaps than memories. From about
the age of 5 to somewhere in my early teens, I was lost so utterly in
my fantasy world that I remember very little of my childhood, and a
large percentage of things I think I remember from then turned out to
be reconstructed from things you two have told me. Looking at how my
brain continues to function, I'd say the reason is simple - reality
wasn't real to me, so I didn't bother remembering most of it. The
short-term memories just never became long-term in most cases. As to
why things I *do* remember are a jumbled-up mess, I have no answer for
yet. But I've remembered a LOT more since snapping out of living in
fantasy land all the time, and even that is a jumbled mess with lots
of missing pieces. A large portion of each day just seems to be deemed
irrelevant by my mind and promptly forgotten. Some days I have
difficulty remembering not just *what* I ate but IF I ate. About the
only reason I know I ate something sometimes is because my stomach
would be screaming bloody murder at me if I hadn't.

But back to the topic of my sense of time. It is majorly wacky, and
often appears to be entirely random. Sometimes hours can feel like
mere minutes; other times, minutes feel like hours. Days feel long
while I'm in one, but once it's "yesterday," things get really weird;
weeks feeling like a day or less, for example. I've come across
numerous times when someone would mention something, I'd be like, "Oh
yeah, you told me that yesterday," and nope: they told me about it
weeks or even months ago. But in my mind, it feels like yesterday. On
the other hand, sometimes a day or two in the past can feel like it
was months ago. Which is why I can totally understand and agree with
Conversations With God when it says linear time does not exist; I have
never experienced linear time, not really, and I can't even truly
understand it from a purely intellectual standpoint.

One of my myriad struggles in life has been adjusting to other
people's conceptions of time. Looking back, this was the cause of one
of my myriad issues with work. The interaction among my sense of time,
the temporal framework of employers, my brain being absurdly quick to
boredom, and being unable to meet all the requirements of an job no
matter how hard I tried due to massive social deficits and
difficulties with changing rules and the logic of the workplace, made
an 8-hour shift at work feel like a 14-hour shift, and made the
occasional 12 hour shifts feel like 24 hour shifts. If you had to work
a 14 hour shift every day for five days in a row, and occasionally had
to do 24 hour shifts, you'd be extremely cranky and exhausted, to say
the least.

But yeah... my sense of how much time has passed seems to go up the
more active my mind is. The more activity, the longer a minute feels
like. Earlier today, I was doing a whole bunch of stuff. When I looked
at the time, expecting it to be 9 PM, it was only 5. Three hours had
felt like seven. Now you consider that it took every available ounce
of my brain power and parallel processing capabilities to try to
convert my insane sense of time to the standard norm, process the
logic of commands, process social cues and body language to try to
figure out social things, and about a dozen other things just to get
through a standard work day, that's so much mental activity that no
WONDER 8 hours felt like 14.
I'm naturally inclined towards multitasking, but even I have my
limits. While I was working at a place in town called ACS, doing
customer service in the billing department, I experimented with this
multitasking ability of mine, adding new mental programs to help make
me faster. And it worked pretty well, usually. But... if you run too
many programs on a computer at the same time, the computer will freeze
and even crash. The human brain is a little more flexible than that,
so I didn't crash, but pushing the limits of my parallel processing
like that meant that every now and then, I would completely freeze up,
everything in my brain having become a tangled mess, and I'd have to
take up to a whole minute to untangle everything. And it made a 6 hour
workday feel like 12 or 13.

Now that I no longer have to try to shove my square peg into a round
hole anymore, I find my sense of time - now free from *having* to
adapt itself to the utterly alien time-sense of other people - is more
pronounced in its peculiarity. I can still keep track of what day it
is, and I generally keep myself to a regular sleep schedule, but what
little structure is there, is there because I know I need it. I impose
a sleep schedule on myself so I don't get into the old habits of going
to bed later and later, getting up later and later, until I have to
stay up for 24 hours to straighten myself out. And I know the days of
the week because I have social gatherings called "meetups" that I go
to, where I meet other pagans in the area... usually on a group basis,
but occasionally on an individual basis. Also, if I let myself, it
would be weeks between writing sessions, so I make it a point to sit
down and write at least once or twice a week.

Perhaps now you have a better understanding of why "I'll be there in a
minute!" always took so long for me. :-) Or maybe your eyes just
glazed over and you've no clue. Ah well. :-)
I have this to add: breaks at work felt about half as long as they really were, or less. And part of why my sleep schedule here works so well where the one while I was living with Lilla wasn't is, I think, due largely to the fact that my PC is not in my bedroom like it was back then.

Also, no response to my email yet. But I did send it before the weekend, and they no longer have Internet at home. Might be Monday before they even read it. And considering that the above was only *part* of its longness and rambliness, [exaggeration] it may take them a few days just to read it! [/exaggeration] :-D

Crossposted from