October 15th, 2010


Rich Christians, your God actually hates you.

I am SO fucking fed up with the super-rich types who think they can do whatever they want to because they have so much money. Especially the rich Christians who think their wealth means God loves them more than other people, and that being poor is God's way of saying, "Fuck you up the urethra with a candiru fish! A candiru fish that spits hydrochloric acid and eats human bladders!" Especially since THE EXACT OPPOSITE IS TRUE!

Yes, rich Christians, God hates you. As proof, a quote from the Bible:

"I tell you the truth, it is hard for a rich man to enter the kingdom of heaven. Again I tell you, it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God." (Matthew 19:24)

Now, in case you never read the Bible, that isn't some out-of-context something being said by some minor character in the Bible being used as a half-assed excuse to get the Bible to say what you want it to, like 99% of modern Christian theology. That was said by JESUS CHRIST. You know, son of God, who also happens (in your mythology) to BE God. God IN THE FLESH. You know, the RED WORDS. The part you should read, even if you can't slog through the whole book. (And I don't blame you! I'd rather read "Twilight" than the Bible, and y'all should know I'd rather ram rusty nails up my urethra and give Glenn Beck a blowjob eat a sack of live maggots in a medium of rotten human flesh than read "Twilight.")

Think about this quote for a moment. He isn't saying this in the context of "anything is possible with God," he's saying it in the context of everyday life. Have you ever seen a camel go through the eye of a needle? Have you ever heard of it happening? Would you believe someone who said they saw it happen and didn't get cellphone video of it as proof? No? Then why do you believe that God loves you, and that being poor is God's way of pissing on people He doesn't like? Because this quote makes it quite plain that Jesus, who is also God by your beliefs, is saying, basically, "A rich man, get into Heaven? HA! When a camel can go through the eye of a needle!" This was his era's way of saying "When pigs fly" or "When Hell freezes over." And it seems to me those two options are much more likely than a camel being able to fit through the eye of a needle.

So yeah, snotty rich Christians, suck on that! It doesn't matter how good a person you are, it doesn't matter how much money you give to charity (unless you give it all away and live as a pauper for years before dying), it doesn't matter how many prayers you say or how much you love God, because in the end, all your riches mean that God hates you.

Just to give you a clearer understanding, rich Christians, of how totally FUCKED you are, let me remind you of some of the people who ARE on the guest list of Heaven: lepers, whores, and criminals. So Charles Manson, totally going to Heaven. That guy serving 20 years for raping a toddler? Saint Peter is going to open the gates for him. But George W. Bush, Bill Gates, and every televangelist in history? I can only presume they're going to Hell, since Christians believe those are the only two options. Well, Catholic rich people might get to go to limbo, but the pearly gates, faggeddaboutit!

So either convert to a religion (or lack of religion) that doesn't have this glaring flaw, give up all your wealth forever, or have your last wish be to have your loved ones dress you in a Hawaiian t-shirt, shorts, and sunscreen, because those are your options. At the very least, drop the fucking attitude that your wealth means that the Christian God is on your side, because HE ISN'T. Jesus said so.

Still more proof: http://www.debunker.com/texts/needleye.html

Crossposted from http://fayanora.dreamwidth.org