February 5th, 2010

mourning

"How you doing?"

"Hey there, how ya doin'?" <-----I *hate* this question. It's almost always said in lieu of Hello, and almost no one wants a real answer. And I don't want to talk about how I'm *really* doing. This question annoys me greatly.

So I've decided, from now on I'm going to answer that question with the following:

"Well..." (feels chest) "I'm still breathing..." (feels wrist) "I still have a pulse..." (looks in mirror or at hands) "And I don't have leprosy, so I guess I'm doing pretty good."

Or better yet:

* "Well, I don't have leprosy anymore, so pretty good."
* "Well, I'm no longer contagious, so pretty - ACHOO! Oh shit. Now I have to call the CDC again..."
* "Well, I don't have the Black Plague anymore, so... wait, what's this red ring-shaped mark on my arm? Oh crap..."
* "Well, I don't have the Black Plague anymore, so... *gurgle* " (vomits fake blood)
* "Well now that I've escaped from Saint Jude's Hospital for the Criminally Insane, pretty good."
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