January 21st, 2010

mourning

Funny idea

Funny idea: Teenager applying for his first job, the application asks to explain any gaps in employment. Kid is a smart-ass and so writes, "For the first couple years of my unemployment, I couldn't even walk or talk. I was completely dependent on my parents - I couldn't even feed myself! And I kept going #1 and #2 in my pants. Through years of hard work and determination, I overcame these obstacles and learned how to walk, talk, read, write, use the toilet instead of my pants, clothe and feed myself (though Mom still insists on doing these last two for me as much as she can). I was also legally barred from employment until just recently, when I had my most recent birthday. After going through all that, I can foresee nothing in life being too difficult, especially not a job at your fine establishment."

Think he'd get hired? :-)
pensive

20 minutes

You know how they say it takes 20 minutes for the full signal to go from the stomach to the brain? Well I don't know about others, but it doesn't work that way for me. If my tummy is in complaining about not having food, the moment food gets down into my tummy, it stops complaining right away. It might take up the complaint again later if the food was insufficient (say, a solitary sammich or piece of cheese eaten just to shut it up), but 20 minutes? Bah humbug! Maybe 20 minutes to say "HOLY FUCK THAT WAS WAY TOO FUCKING MUCH PLEASE STOP NOW OR I MIGHT ASPLODE!!!!!" but just to register that there's food in there? Nope. Not I.