January 30th, 2009

Steph bouncy

My writer friends ought to appreciate this one!

A Writer's Allowed to Choose

A writer died, and due to a bureaucratic snafu in the hereafter, she was to be allowed to choose her own fate: heaven or hell for all eternity. Being very shrewd for a dead person, she asked St. Peter for a tour of both.

The first stop was hell, where she saw rows and rows of writers sitting chained to desks, in a room as hot as a thousand suns. Fire licked the writers' fingers as they tried to work; demons whipped their backs with chains. Your typical hell scene.

"Wow, this is awful," said the writer., appalled "Let's see some heaven."

In a moment, they were whisked to heaven and the writer saw rows and rows of writers chained to desks, in a room as hot as a thousand suns. Fire licked the writers' fingers as they tried to work; demons whipped their backs with chains. It looked and smelled even worse than hell.

"What gives, Pete?" the writer asked. "This is worse than hell!"

"Yes," St. Peter replied, "but here your work gets published."

From Arcamax Jokes

Future headline

RIAA Wins War Against Music Pirates, Kills Internet
by Lord Smashed Outtahis Gourd

Portland, Oregon - Nattie Halliwell, age 87, is a historical first. Or historical last, to be more precise. Thanks to co-operation from ISPs around the world, the RIAA has been so successful in its war against music pirates that Ms. Nattie Halliwell is the only person left on the internet. She uses it to surf for knitting information, but soon she will join the billions of others deprived of their Internet fix by the RIAA.

It all started in 2009, when an Irish ISP decided to co-operate with the RIAA in ending music piracy. Of course, some silly people would say it started before that, but I agree with Fox News: fact-checking is for pussies.

It did not take long for this trend to spread, and by 2012 the Mayan's dire predictions about the end of the world came true when the total number of people still allowed on the Internet dwindled to four people, one of them being Michael Jackson. And now it is 2015, and only Nattie Halliwell remains.

However, it is only a matter of time before she, too, is gone from the Internet. For the RIAA has, just last week, caught Nattie trying to send her son an MP3 of the song "My Humps." The fact that Ms. Halliwell's son is no longer on the Internet was deemed by the RIAA to be irrelevant, and at noon tomorrow the Internet will be dead.

Ah well, big loss. By now everyone has transferred to the much more impressive 3-D Smellovision Blagosphere, a Linux product.

No word yet on any progress made by the RIAA concerning music ninjas.

Poe purry


A question

Okay, so I just dug something out of the fridge that was so moldy with green mold that as I was cleaning it out, clouds of spores were wafting up. I was as far away from them as I could be, and have the suck-stuff-outside fan, but I wanted to know... food mold, that's pennicilin, right? So food mold isn't toxic or dangerous, is it? Please tell me I'm worrying for nothing?