August 25th, 2004

mourning

Jealousy of Faith

I feel like an ass. I upset my friend Lilla by being jealous of her faith in her beliefs and acting like a dick to her. I get like that sometimes, and I hate it every time I do. You see, the reason is that I really don't know what to believe, and despite what my Goddess Shao'Kehn tells me, I often get into these thoughts of maybe I'm just trying to justify a bunch of things, justify some things about myself by attempting to believe these things that I know are true because I see them in so many places.

So in short, I'm so unsure and chaotic about what to believe, that I get jealous of people who have faith in their beliefs. Whether the atheist or the theist, relativist or objectivist, I bump around so much that people with set beliefs make me jealous.

Thus, I would like to officially apologize again (in public this time) to Lilla for acting as I did. I'm sorry, Lilla, I didn't mean to get jealous of you. Please accept my apologies. :-(

Chaotic Blessings;
---Fay