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Nocturnal soul

My body's natural sleep schedule is, and has always been, nocturnal. Even as a first grader, if left to my own devices I'd sleep til noon and stay up til midnight. If I had to wake up before noon, I was pretty much entirely non-functional until noon. Then I'd be okay the rest of the school day. It wouldn't be until the sun set that my energy would shoot to the ROOF!

What has always been worse is that being forced to wake up at 7:30 AM to be able to get to school in time not only had me utterly non-functional, it also made me ill. I didn't realize that until the last couple years when I'd have to get up at 8 AM or earlier once a month for trips to the food boxes place, and noticing a pattern of being nauseous and ill at ease until I could finally get back to sleep for a nap at noon. But looking back, I've noticed the same pattern when I was a kid. Getting me to eat anything for breakfast was like pulling teeth, because of the nausea. And I'm now fairly certain being forced to wake up that early all the time for school was what was making me always sick with a cold, an ear infection, or the flu every goddamn day for my whole childhood, stuffed up 24/7 for so many years that while my sinuses have been clear for years now, I still breathe through my mouth by default and have to concentrate in order to breathe through my nose at all.

But yeah, getting up really early one day a month is bad enough, but doing it two days in a row is pretty much impossible for me these days, because the effect is cumulative; the more frequently I wake up too early, the sicker I get. I sleep when I sleep and I wake when I wake, and trying to get up earlier than my body wants to sleep is doomed to make me ill. (Something I have tried and failed to explain to my roommate, who for several months kept demanding I go to bed earlier because my being awake when she was sleeping was disturbing her. Utter bullshit, by the way; my door was always closed, with the crack under the door covered up to keep the light from leaking out - light that she wouldn't have been able to see even if that weren't true, and unlike her, I'm utterly and completely still quiet when she's trying to sleep {she does not give me the same consideration, guffawing like a donkey, randomly squeaking loudly, having loud phone conversations, and even occasionally screaming like she's being murdered merely for stress relief}. No sane human being could claim my utter lack of noise-making of any kind could possibly be disturbing someone's sleep. The truth is, she's simply disturbed.)

So when I finally realized that the email from SMART (the volunteer program wherein I and others read to kids at a nearby school) is going to be from 9 to 10 AM, I was forced to drop out. I was barely able to make it when it was being held in the early afternoons, because it was still waking up earlier than I normally was and thus still making me ill. Nine in the fucking morning every goddamn week is utterly impossible for me, unfortunately.

This was cross-posted from https://fayanora.dreamwidth.org/1407163.html
You can comment either here or there.

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