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Figured something out at last.

I finally figured out something that should have been obvious to me from the start. Background: I have long wondered at other people's ability to recognize me after barely speaking three words with me. For the longest time, it was just this weird mystery. Then I attributed it to me having a shitty memory. Then I figured out about being partially face blind, and I attributed it to that and my memory. But then something happened to me today that finally made me get it.

I was at Albertson's. I went to the deli and got some chicken strips, and while there the guy who was serving me said something, jovially, about being dressed like Harry Potter. I could barely hear him; I'm hard of hearing to begin with, and my head was wrapped in multiple layers of cloth.

Anyway, I went and paid for them, then I was in the Starbuck's area eating, and this guy who looked vaguely familiar came up to me saying Hi in a familiar way. At my look of confusion, he explained we'd met at this free Xmas dinner at the local church, and 2 things happened from that: 1, I knew he wasn't who I'd thought he was, and 2, a part of my mind went "No, I don't buy it; I don't buy that someone can meet a person one time, barely exchange 10 words with them, and recognize them later, no matter how good your memory is."

At that point, as he was leaving, I remembered what the guy at the deli had said; I looked down at myself and realized why so many people remember me so quickly: I am distinctive. My exact words were "I'm the weird androgynous ginger kid that dresses like Harry Potter."

The reasons this was a revelation to me are two-fold: 1. While I have long known that I'm weird, androgynous, and have always dressed outside of the norm, I've always thought that was just the excuse the bullies in my youth had used to pick on me. I thought for so long, despite occasional evidence to the contrary, that they only picked on me after finding out how weird I was, after speaking with me. It didn't occur to me that I stood out so much they spotted me right away and homed in on me.

2. I know what I look like, but I feel disconnected from that reality because nobody in our collective looks like that. Alex is the closest, but has a more masculine face, has no freckles, and is thinner. But two of the main four main front-runners (and one background member) of the collective have brown skin, amber eyes, and black hair: Tempest, Fayanora, and Shao'Kehn. Molly is blond and blue eyed, but tends to shapeshift at times, and Pi and Negarahn aren't even remotely human looking. Not even Ian and Lo look anything like the body, except that Lo is very pale.

Thus the body's appearance, like the name Tristan, is just the identity I was assigned at birth, and we resonate with that identity even less than we resonate with the gender we were assigned at birth. Which now I'm thinking is the final piece we needed to decide to abandon that name altogether. I think I'm going to stop dragging my feet and focus on getting my name legally changed. Granted, the real reason I've been dragging my feet is because there's just so much damn work involved in a legal name change, including telling all the places that need to know about the change. But now I think I might actually have the Will to go to that work.

Especially since I'm not entirely sure that the original personality that inhabited this body is even still alive. I am unsure if Tempest is the personality formerly known as Tristan or not. Given that one was 5 or 6 when xe fled from the world and hid inside xer own mind for the better part of a decade, it's entirely possible the mask we wore to hide how lost xe was, is what became Tempest; it's possible Tristan never came back.

And now for something completely different: Imagine a kitten riding a unicorn while purring adorably.

This was cross-posted from http://fayanora.dreamwidth.org/1300710.html
You can comment either here or there.


( 12 comments — Leave a comment )
Jan. 11th, 2016 01:08 pm (UTC)
Some of those people who recognize you are probably hitting on you.
Jan. 11th, 2016 02:32 pm (UTC)
*Blinks* Huh. That never occurred to me. And I suck at reading signals like that. Oy, being an Aspie sure can suck.
Jan. 11th, 2016 02:43 pm (UTC)
Same thing happened to me.

So used to being noticed in high school for being "not cool" that it never occured to me t hat when people ketp coming up to me and recognizing me when I didn't recognize them was because they were "interested" and not being dicks.

Eventually I realized that most of them were actually "interested" but it was hard
Jan. 11th, 2016 02:48 pm (UTC)
Yeah. The guy earlier, I did get a friendly vibe off him, but I was still so bewildered that he could recognize me after such minimal exposure that I didn't really register that fully. I did manage to be friendly back at him, at least.
Jan. 11th, 2016 02:53 pm (UTC)
That sounds like he wanted to get in your pants.
Jan. 11th, 2016 02:56 pm (UTC)
Jan. 11th, 2016 02:57 pm (UTC)
take it as a compliment!
Jan. 11th, 2016 03:00 pm (UTC)
Since I'm not entirely sure the direction you're going, I'll answer both possibilities:

1. I did. :-) Hence the blushing.

2. I'll try to bear that possibility in mind, in future, and do so.
Jan. 11th, 2016 02:59 pm (UTC)
Minimal exposure, plus remembering you and your name, plus making an effort to talk to you plus being friendly when it's from a guy nearly always is the guy thinking you're hot and trying to figure out if you'd hook up.
Jan. 11th, 2016 03:06 pm (UTC)
*Thinking* I don't recall if he knew my name or not.

When I say minimal exposure, I mean the meal lasted at least 30 to 45 minutes, if not longer, due to waiting to be served. I barely said anything, to my knowledge; Brooke did most of the talking.

Still, it sounds like you might have been right. If anything, that just adds weight to your words.

I hope he does it again, in that case, because I don't know if I would recognize him again. Partial face blindness plus shitty memory is a bad combo. And he seemed sort of plain to me. White man, plain looking, makes it even worse. I have extra trouble with white people, men especially. And plain looking to boot, doesn't help.
Jan. 11th, 2016 03:11 pm (UTC)
I have a huge amount of trouble remembering faces.

the good news on that is that guys hitting on you will think you are pretending to forget their face and just being "coy."

30 to 45 minutes without much talking is minimal exposure.

He's been thinking about you since because you gave him a boner, he saw you again and decided it was worth a shot to see if you'd take care of his boner.
Jan. 11th, 2016 03:16 pm (UTC)

I have the trifecta from Heck: Partial face blindness, horrible memory in general, and can't remember most names worth shit. Especially common white person names, because there's millions of Johns and Janes and so on. Oh, and the fact I can barely remember anything about his outfit beyond "winter hat, jacket," means I suck at noticing clothing, too.

the good news on that is that guys hitting on you will think you are pretending to forget their face and just being "coy."


He's been thinking about you since because you gave him a boner, he saw you again and decided it was worth a shot to see if you'd take care of his boner.

*Giggling intensifies*
( 12 comments — Leave a comment )


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