The Djao'Mor'Terra Collective (fayanora) wrote,
The Djao'Mor'Terra Collective
fayanora

Meditation when you're a multiple

I can't do normal meditation, my mind is too active. What’s more, when we tried doing this guided meditation thing once, they tried getting us to focus on the stream of background thoughts that tend to get generated by the subconcsious and tend to repeat old bullshit we've internalized, only I couldn't do that because the inside of our collective's brain doesn't look like that. We're a collective mind, and where that stream from the subconscious should be is the place we talk to one another internally. It's like, in singlets that's where all the different parts of the singlet mind think by saying everything they're thinking without hesitation, and whatever part of the singlet mind filters those thoughts and decides their order of importance and which ones to act on (I'm gonna call it the vinculum, a term lifted from the Borg of Star Trek), the vinculum of singlets is the eye looking inward at all those disparate voices, and the exercise was intended to help the vinculum focus on different voices, tune out the ones that are harmful.

Only, we can't do that because each one of us in the collective has our own set of voices, our own vinculums, and while we can hear each other when we talk internally, and can send each other images and impressions, and we can feel one another's emotions, it's not the same thing as reading one another's thoughts (mainly because there's a degree of self control to it, IE they can choose whether or not to do it, usually; though sometimes we blur into one another and choice becomes irrelevant during those times). And nobody in the collective seems able to turn their inner eye on their own internal thought processes.

Also, we got the impression that in meditation it's supposed to be possible to access the subconscious mind? I don't know if that's true for singlets or not, but when we turn our inner eyes inward, the subconscious is this locked basement door. It only opens to let stuff either come out, or under unusual conditions it can let one or more members of the collective retreat down there. But when they come back, they don't remember anything that happened down there. I'd say it's like they just shut off, but one time Alex went down there extremely upset and came back having worked through his upset, but couldn't remember having done so, so it's plain they keep thinking and feeling down there, but don't remember anything about it when they come back.

So yeah, I don't really count that as access to the subconcious mind.

Though the Others *do* bear a small resemblance to how I picture the inside of a singlet's mind, in that while they *can* think without talking internally, they don't appear to do it very often. They tend to normally just either say whatever's on their mind, or just shut up and listen. Though I *can* sense when they're thinking but not talking, since their emotions shift around as their thoughts shift. Another similarity is that they seem to be either incapable of or unwilling to lie to me or each other. (Lying to themselves, now that's another matter altogether, and Alex appears to do that a lot.)

And then whenever I try meditation, one or more of the Others invariably gets bored and starts off thinking (speaking internally) about various things, much like a wandering mind. But everything Internally is more or less the same volume, and none of it can really be tuned out. If one or more of them decides to be obnoxious (usually either Alex or Molly), then there isn't much I can do about it beyond tell them to shut up, or try to ignore them.

So instead of normal meditation, I have to make my mind focus on doing something repetitive, like chanting or singing. This fills the collective internal space with noise and makes it so that none of us can think of anything but the noise. (This method also works to block out empathic noise from outside of us, if nothing else is working.) And that, in as succinct a nutshell as I can manage, is how we in the Djao'Mor'Terra Collective do meditation.

This was cross-posted from http://fayanora.dreamwidth.org/1297004.html
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Tags: multiplicity
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