The Djao'Mor'Terra Collective (fayanora) wrote,
The Djao'Mor'Terra Collective

  • Mood:

Weird fucking shit

For the past several months - I don't know how many - I'd been wearing the same two necklaces without taking them off, ever. Which is a bit unusual for me. Then the other day, I took the pentacle necklace off for the first time in ages, and left the 8-rayed star on.

But then today, I began having an urgent need to take the second necklace off. I struggled with the tie on the cord for a while, going into a minor freakout, trying not to panic, since the thing couldn't fit over my head and wouldn't come untied. I finally had to cut it off, which annoys me but I do have more of that pink cord, and I put the cut necklace into a ziping pocket in my messenger bag so it won't get lost.

What's more annoying, the weird feeling in my throat, and the feeling in my head - both of which are probably psychosomatic, but still concerning - haven't gone away. They got better, but they're still there. I don't know if the throat weirdness will go away until I swallow something, and maybe not even then. You see, it's this feeling like I have a pill stuck in my throat. I'm fairly certain I don't, but it's just one of those things that pops up every now and then with me, spontaneous irrational fears or concerns with no real cause as far as I can tell, that stick around for a while and then vanish again.

As to the feeling in my head... it feels like the feeling I get when I have to rebraid my hair, when my arms are up in the air making blood rush into my head and thus making my head feel weird. But I'm fairly certain it's a false feeling, my brain playing tricks on me. For one thing, it's more like a step or two up from the memory of that feeling. Secondly, my arms are not in the air.

Fuck it, I hate it when the random psychic flotsam and jetsam of the inside of my brain does weird shit like this.

Then yesterday, instead of going out of the apartment to do writing, I only got out long enough to go to Winco and get a few things there. Even that much was difficult, since despite getting 8 hours of sleep, I wanted nothing more than to go back to bed and sleep more. Which is a bit concerning, because I did that a lot before I got my CPAP. I use the CPAP all the time when I sleep now, so I shouldn't be doing that anymore. Though if it only happens once in a great while, I'm not going to worry too much about it.

What IS a bit more concerning is that the last couple nights, I'll get so far along the path to sleep and suddenly feeling like I'm not getting enough air. I've been using the CPAP for at least 6 months constantly, every night, so I should not be having that problem anymore. Oh, and when it isn't the inability to breathe that wakes me up, it's something else I can't put into words that just startles me awake. I don't think it's apnea, with the pressurized air, especially since it does eventually stop happening and the rest of my waking up at night is just discomfort from my crappy bed that I really ought to replace because it's been crappy ever since I bought it, and while I got used to it for a while, my body has since decided it can't abide the thing anymore. I need especially to see if I can find a bed better suited to side-sleepers.

So yeah, my life is annoying.

This was cross-posted from
You can comment either here or there.
Tags: body issues, issues, my day, my life sucks
  • Post a new comment


    Anonymous comments are disabled in this journal

    default userpic

    Your reply will be screened

    Your IP address will be recorded