The Djao'Mor'Terra Collective (fayanora) wrote,
The Djao'Mor'Terra Collective

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Forced socialization and neurodiversity

Originally posted by [personal profile] kengr at socialization is important, but...
I've been working my way through an interesting person's tumblr (warning, she's goit a *lot* of NSFW content) and I ran across this entry.

The comments about "forced socialization" are *so* true. Yet somehow most teachers, parents and other adults don't seem to even *consider* the possibilty of any of this.

I expect a lot is due to this cultures overwhelming bias towards extroverts.

But it's also a symptom of the practice of adults not *listening* to kids. You can't just throw a kid in with a bunch of other kids and expect them to learn social skills by osmosis, much less make friends.

Yeah, it works often enough to be seen (via selection bias) as workable. The problem is that when it doesn't work, it usually goes pretty far into the negative. And then we blame the kid for not being able to get along or whatever. Hell, it's where a lot of bullying comes from.

Parents *really* need to stop and listen. And consider that while the kid may not be expressing himself well, that doesn't mean that he doesn't have a point. He (or she) may well know quite well that things are going wrong (and how), but just lacks the vocabulary to discuss it.

Lack of success does *not* mean lack of effort. Often it's a case of clashing personality types. Or of ignorance.

I know that I had some difficulties fitting in in the first few grades because (due to being raised by a widow) I didn't know the rules to baseball, football, etc. Didn't help that mom's husband had been a lefty, so when she gave me his old baseball glove it didn't help.

We *really* could use someone sitting down and writing out all the stuff "normal" kids *do* pick up thru osmosis and writing it down (probably as a series of "age" appropriate books) for the kids (and adults) who *don't* figure it out.

Also need something to explain to the kids who don't "work" the way "normal" kids do (and their parents and teachers) that it's not *wrong* to be different. Andd suggest coping strategies that *aren't* "fake it".

My own addition:

There weren’t many other kids in the neighborhood when I was real little, and my parents were concerned for me. They tried to socialize me by taking me to a day care center even though Dad worked from home. Well, that didn’t work, because I had absolutely zero interest in other kids. The only people I wanted to socialize with were adults, because adults were interesting. Other kids were dull and stupid compared to me, and we had nothing in common aside from our age. At best I viewed them as an obstacle or a nuisance, at worst they were bullies. Luckily, I didn’t have my first experience with a bully until kindergarten, but still, it set the stage for things to come, and made me go from passive disinterest to active avoidance. I would have been better off being homeschooled and left to socialize with adults the way I wanted to.

Also, there were infants and toddlers at the day care center, and I have always detested infants and toddlers. They’re noisy, far beyond simple annoyance, and all they do is eat and shit and get into trouble. Being autistic, I have always had issues with noise, both literal and psychic, giving me migraines and other problems, and small children put out a lot of both kinds of noise. If I ever have a kid, I am going to adopt one that is past that stage of development, because I cannot cope with that bullshit.

When I say the forced socialization didn’t work, I mean that at the day care center, I continued to pay no attention to other kids. I avoided them, playing by myself. I communicated with them only when necessity demanded it. I did not want to be there, and I’m certain that the fact I didn’t want to be there was obvious to everyone. Part of it is being autistic, and part of it is the psychic and literal noise issue; everyone puts out psychic noise, but kids especially. For me, being forced to stay at the day care center was like someone with sensitive ears being forced to spend the whole day on an airport runway, with the jets constantly taking off and landing.

This was cross-posted from
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Tags: about me, asperger's, autism, children, parenting, reblogs
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