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Jack In The Box "Tacos"

Earlier today I was out and hungry, so I went to Jack In The Box (a really kinky name, BTW) and tried what they were calling "tacos."

Well... these "tacos" looked about as much like tacos as raccoons look like human beings. I don't even know what they were made of; the goop inside... all I can say for sure about it was that it was fatty and may have been made of plant matter of some kind. And may have had animal matter in it, too. But seriously, this thing didn't really look like food.

For one thing, tacos are always either soft-shelled or hard-shelled. Somehow, these were both at the same time. I am not sure, but I *think* they spread their goop in a tortilla, folded it over, and pan-fried it (or used a griddle) so that the sides got crunchy while the fold stayed flexible.

Seriously, though; the yellow-brown mess they served me barely even qualified as food. At least Taco Bell stuff *looks* like real food, mostly. The tacos JITB has looked like they were designed by someone who had only ever heard tacos described fourth-hand, wasn't too skilled at making food, and probably has never required food themselves. Thus, my theory is this: The Jack In The Box CEO sold his/her soul to a demon in order to get the business back from bankruptcy back when that whole "tainted beef" thing was going on. Said demon had an intern, very enthusiastic but has never dealt directly with humans before. Said demon was one day approached by the intern with a recipe for a new food item for Jack In The Box to sell. The demon was like "Dude, this doesn't even look like human food. It looks like you took some antique parchment, spread manure on it, and folded it in half. What is this supposed to BE, anyway?"
"It's a taco, Master!"
*Gives intern the side-eye* "Sure it is. Listen, kid; I admire your enthusiasm, but nobody in their right mind is going to eat this unless they're fucking starving half to death or on a dare or something."
"I'll bet you that it will be a big seller!" says the intern.
The demon laughs and says "You're sure to lose, so yeah. I'll promote you to Senior Undersecretary if you somehow win this bet."
They shook on it. And to the demon's utter astonishment, the intern won. The intern is now much higher in the demon hierarchy (or lower, as the case may be) and the demon has taken to drinking too much and going "The stupid... it burns..."

Nonetheless, I have to admit, for all its ugliness, it... wasn't terrible. It fullfilled the fast-food industry requirements of being fatty and addictive, hitting the pleasure centers of the brain to get you hooked. And if I were sufficiently desperate for a fast-food fix, I would eat it again. Even though it's the fast-food equivalent of cocaine cut with powdered laundry detergent: the quality sucks, you put your health at risk ingesting it, and it feels weird going in, but it gets the job done.

This was cross-posted from http://fayanora.dreamwidth.org/1213802.html
You can comment either here or there.



( 2 comments — Leave a comment )
Mar. 12th, 2014 01:48 am (UTC)
Did you do the Monster Taco or the two tacos for 99 cents deal?

Anyway, I like JITB tacos. Yeah, they look funny, but I think they taste good. I recently tried the Nacho Monster Taco and thought it was just all right - not great, but all right. The one thing I really didn't like from Hack In The Crack was their Sourdough Cheesesteak Melt. I thought it was horrible. It was, like - I don't know, melted plastic on shoe leather or something. Yuck.

I like their Chicken Fajita Pitas too. I haven't had one in a while, though.

Mar. 12th, 2014 02:44 am (UTC)
Had the nacho monster burrito
( 2 comments — Leave a comment )


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