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So observations from the last couple days confirmed for me that if I don't eat every few hours, I get upset stomach. I was fine all the time I kept to eating every few hours, but the ONE TIME today that I forgot to eat for more than a few hours, BAM: upset stomach. Fuck it all! Do you have any idea how fucking tedious this is going to be for me? How fucking tedious it ALREADY IS? Fucking hell.

And the worst part is, it doesn't necessarily stop for sleeping, either. I went to bed last night being just fine. Woke up a few hours later to use the restroom, and my stomach was upset! FUCKING TITTY-FUCKING CHRIST! I am so fucking tired of my touchy goddamn stomach and its fucking spoiled-rotten bratshit behavior! I am very tempted to just say "Fuck you, stomach. You will eat what I give you when I give it to you and be grateful you get anything at all, or I will refuse to eat on principle!"

Also, I can't eat less than an hour before bed without getting upset stomach, either. Nor go to bed while still full, if I ate too much earlier.

Between this, the semi-random headaches I can't find a pattern for, the occasional random diarrhea with no apparent cause, and the issues from my sleep apnea, I honestly don't know whether to scream in frustrated rage or cry.

For years, my issues with sleep (insomnia at night, unable to get enough sleep in the morning) have made me honestly wish sleeping were optional. I envy my sorceress character Lyria, who can take potions that mean she only has to sleep an hour a week. And I have long begun wishing, due to being poor, that eating were optional as well. I wish this more than ever now. I just want to remove my entire fucking digestive system and put it in a bottle, and live off of hyposprayed glucose and vitamin mixes. Or trade this piece of shit body in for an android body that is at least partially solar-powered. Because I hate being a human more and more every fucking day. And honestly, if I'm already thinking of eating and sleeping as "tedious as all hell" at age 31, how much worse is it going to be in 20 more years when I'm 51?

This was cross-posted from http://fayanora.dreamwidth.org/1173245.html
You can comment either here or there.

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