The Djao'Mor'Terra Collective (fayanora) wrote,
The Djao'Mor'Terra Collective
fayanora

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I'm starting to wonder about this process...

As you hopefully know by now, I am a multiple mind, a collective of souls in one body, a collective that shares memories, no less. You should also already know that we have 9 members in the system; four humans, five non-humans. It gets a bit more complicated when you consider that Shao'Kehn is a collective inside of a collective, having at least 13 Aspects of her own that we know of. So it's a little crowded in here.

Something has been happening for months, something we've been actively resisting. A fictional character of ours, one Lady Lyria Spellspinner... well... for months, we've been sensing an attempt of whatever process makes new collective members to bring her into existence as a member of the collective. And while she's a wonderful character, and we like her very much, it's crowded enough in here as it is. We accept that she could be a useful asset; she takes shit from nobody, yet knows how to be diplomatic about it. She could potentially help fight the depression we've been living with our whole lives.

That said, every time a new member comes in, chaos ensues. And we can't help but think that she might not appreciate being stuck in this body with us. (While also allowing that she's very pragmatic and could also take the facts of things very well indeed.) So there are reasons for and against letting the process continue. And I just don't know what direction to go in. I mean, the process wasn't started by any of us, it just started happening. So if it's subconscious, we can't know if it's a good thing or not.

We tried, the first time it started, to dismiss it as the forming of a Mask. A Mask being a non-sentient construct that alters the behavior of one wearing it to fit a certain role. The person wearing it remains in control, is aware of the change, and can take the mask off whenever s/he wants to. We thought this was a mask, at first, because for one, we have a lot of Masks based on characters of ours. And secondly, there was a time in the first year of the whole multiplicity realization where we thought someone was a Face (member of the collective) but turned out to be just a Mask. But we've had years of experience sorting through the inner landscape and making sense of it, so it didn't take long for the "Lyria is a Mask" idea to go out the window. The stirrings we were sensing were definitely saying "some piece of our collective soul is mutating into something new." And now it's a question of whether or not we can (or should) stop that mutation process. Can the soul shard in question be stopped and restored to its previous state? Or is that too late? Should we let it mutate?

It wouldn't be the first time a fictional character we created came to life as a member of the collective. Lolita Leigh Smith, our resident Goth lesbian, started out as a fictional character. She manifested as a member of the collective because she filled a niche; she resonated so well with the "goth" aspect and the "loves women" aspect, as well as the "artist" and "music lover" aspects that she awoke as a sentient being inside us.

And now, the same conditions apply to Lyria. We've been enamored of the "dark sorceress" role for a long time, and have a dress we call our "dark sorceress dress," that we've been wearing more often lately, especially with our green cloak. And we started wearing a leather pouch held by a belt as a purse because Lyria did, and the idea was cool enough we copied it. Lyria would fill a niche in us. She resonates with not only the "dark sorceress" role, but also with lots of different personality traits, and she would fill in some personality gaps. She has anger issues in common with Alex, but unlike Alex it takes a lot more to get her angry (though once she gets angry, RUN!), so could help with that issue. And she has a LOT in common with Shao'Kehn. The pragmatism, the power and how they use it, their views of life overlap in important ways.

So with all this in mind, we're thinking "oh maybe we could just make ourselves more like Shao'Kehn, so we wouldn't need Lyria." But we're also thinking, "She could be very helpful." Also, there's the thought that it might be too late. We might be in denial about something that's already happened, or maybe the process is incomplete but so far along that it's going to happen eventually no matter how hard we resist. Or we could be blowing it all out of proportion. Evidence in favor of that possibility is becoming more abundant. It started out subtle enough, so that we didn't notice the (possible) significance when we got our LJ userhead changed to that of a black woman.

And while there's no guarantee that a subconscious process like this is necessarily a good thing, it's also possible that this isn't happening by accident.

Blarg. I went away and lost the thread of my thoughts. Oh well, I think I got enough of my thought about the subject down. So... opinions?

Crossposted from http://fayanora.dreamwidth.org
Tags: issues, multiplicity, questions, seeking help
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