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As you hopefully know by now, I am a multiple mind, a collective of souls in one body, a collective that shares memories, no less. You should also already know that we have 9 members in the system; four humans, five non-humans. It gets a bit more complicated when you consider that Shao'Kehn is a collective inside of a collective, having at least 13 Aspects of her own that we know of. So it's a little crowded in here.

Something has been happening for months, something we've been actively resisting. A fictional character of ours, one Lady Lyria Spellspinner... well... for months, we've been sensing an attempt of whatever process makes new collective members to bring her into existence as a member of the collective. And while she's a wonderful character, and we like her very much, it's crowded enough in here as it is. We accept that she could be a useful asset; she takes shit from nobody, yet knows how to be diplomatic about it. She could potentially help fight the depression we've been living with our whole lives.

That said, every time a new member comes in, chaos ensues. And we can't help but think that she might not appreciate being stuck in this body with us. (While also allowing that she's very pragmatic and could also take the facts of things very well indeed.) So there are reasons for and against letting the process continue. And I just don't know what direction to go in. I mean, the process wasn't started by any of us, it just started happening. So if it's subconscious, we can't know if it's a good thing or not.

We tried, the first time it started, to dismiss it as the forming of a Mask. A Mask being a non-sentient construct that alters the behavior of one wearing it to fit a certain role. The person wearing it remains in control, is aware of the change, and can take the mask off whenever s/he wants to. We thought this was a mask, at first, because for one, we have a lot of Masks based on characters of ours. And secondly, there was a time in the first year of the whole multiplicity realization where we thought someone was a Face (member of the collective) but turned out to be just a Mask. But we've had years of experience sorting through the inner landscape and making sense of it, so it didn't take long for the "Lyria is a Mask" idea to go out the window. The stirrings we were sensing were definitely saying "some piece of our collective soul is mutating into something new." And now it's a question of whether or not we can (or should) stop that mutation process. Can the soul shard in question be stopped and restored to its previous state? Or is that too late? Should we let it mutate?

It wouldn't be the first time a fictional character we created came to life as a member of the collective. Lolita Leigh Smith, our resident Goth lesbian, started out as a fictional character. She manifested as a member of the collective because she filled a niche; she resonated so well with the "goth" aspect and the "loves women" aspect, as well as the "artist" and "music lover" aspects that she awoke as a sentient being inside us.

And now, the same conditions apply to Lyria. We've been enamored of the "dark sorceress" role for a long time, and have a dress we call our "dark sorceress dress," that we've been wearing more often lately, especially with our green cloak. And we started wearing a leather pouch held by a belt as a purse because Lyria did, and the idea was cool enough we copied it. Lyria would fill a niche in us. She resonates with not only the "dark sorceress" role, but also with lots of different personality traits, and she would fill in some personality gaps. She has anger issues in common with Alex, but unlike Alex it takes a lot more to get her angry (though once she gets angry, RUN!), so could help with that issue. And she has a LOT in common with Shao'Kehn. The pragmatism, the power and how they use it, their views of life overlap in important ways.

So with all this in mind, we're thinking "oh maybe we could just make ourselves more like Shao'Kehn, so we wouldn't need Lyria." But we're also thinking, "She could be very helpful." Also, there's the thought that it might be too late. We might be in denial about something that's already happened, or maybe the process is incomplete but so far along that it's going to happen eventually no matter how hard we resist. Or we could be blowing it all out of proportion. Evidence in favor of that possibility is becoming more abundant. It started out subtle enough, so that we didn't notice the (possible) significance when we got our LJ userhead changed to that of a black woman.

And while there's no guarantee that a subconscious process like this is necessarily a good thing, it's also possible that this isn't happening by accident.

Blarg. I went away and lost the thread of my thoughts. Oh well, I think I got enough of my thought about the subject down. So... opinions?

Crossposted from http://fayanora.dreamwidth.org

Comments

( 10 comments — Leave a comment )
dirty__glamour
Jan. 3rd, 2012 12:58 pm (UTC)
I'm prone to believe with multiplicity, there's no stopping the process once it's begun. If it's already crowded, what's one more, who could potentially shift everything to the better?
fayanora
Jan. 3rd, 2012 01:22 pm (UTC)
Good point. :-) And all the signs that it's too late are there. Like the full on "I am Lyria" feeling, a similar feeling which existed before for others, and still exists for the others.

I guess I'm just dragging my feet.
baron_waste
Jan. 3rd, 2012 02:19 pm (UTC)

This is fascinating. I see it in evolutionary terms; do you ever lose anybody? Disintegration, dissolution, whatever? If there are only so many seats on that lifeboat, she may push an inert form out.

What I'm not seeing mentioned here is how long these fictional characters existed before taking form. It seems perfectly possible to me that Lolita Leigh Smith already existed, and shaped the 'character' which she fitted ever so well.

The same may well be true with Lyria. Why, after all, did you craft that character that particular way?

I saw one of these 'writing memes' a while back that asked if your characters spoke to you in your mind. I scoffed; they're story characters, not real people. But your case is rather different, and if the shoe was made to fit a particular foot, it should not be surprising to find a foot in it, if you follow me.

fayanora
Jan. 4th, 2012 01:23 am (UTC)
So far, we haven't lost any real system members; once they become a Face, they're here forever. Like I said in the original post, there was once someone we thought was a Face but was just a Mask; we were confused because we didn't know who was wearing that mask at the time; we now suspect it was Pi wearing the mask.

I don't think there's limited space in here, just that it feels crowded. At least partially because we all co-front to various degrees. So there's this whole huge mansion, but we're all crowding one window.

What I'm not seeing mentioned here is how long these fictional characters existed before taking form. It seems perfectly possible to me that Lolita Leigh Smith already existed, and shaped the 'character' which she fitted ever so well.

Possible, I suppose.

The same may well be true with Lyria. Why, after all, did you craft that character that particular way?

Why indeed. And why Lyria manifesting, but not Nokwahl? Nokwahl has a lot in common with us, too, and would fill in some important gaps. Nokwahl is a character with skills and abilities I've long coveted, so why has she never even threatened to manifest, but Lyria is? I mean, Nokwahl can speak to me, too; but it's so obvious she's only a mask, or something else that isn't a Face.

And it wouldn't be the first time that letting my mind tell me what a character looks like spawned a system mate. When I was trying to come up with an age play persona, before I knew I was a multiple, I tried making an age play persona who was dark of skin and hair, like I had long wanted to be, but instead up popped Molly Elizabeth, a blonde and blue eyed little girl. It surprised me. I think I even tried to overrule this image, saying "No no, my age play persona has black hair and amber skin." And I just couldn't make the change stick at all, so I finally went "fuck it" and went with Molly as she appeared to me.
Molly later became the first official Face in our system, because over the course of several months, she grew in complexity so much that she was talking aloud out of turn. Telling true stories about Molly was what got me introduced to the whole notion of multiplicity in the first place.

Come to think of it, I usually decide consciously what a character will look like. I've only let my subconscious decide such things twice. The first time was Molly. The second time was Lyria.
fayanora
Jan. 4th, 2012 01:25 am (UTC)
PS
Though if Lyria were to push someone out, it would probably be Ian. We rarely ever see him, and the soul-bits he latched onto could easily pass on to Lyria. Or, for that matter, to Molly.
(Deleted comment)
fayanora
Jan. 4th, 2012 01:31 am (UTC)
Long term problems? Damn, what a way to put things in perspective. I can't think, offhand, of any long term problems. Plenty of short term problems. But long term problems? Oy. I once thought Pi was going to be giving us problems for years to come, and it just didn't turn out that way. Once we stopped forcing him up front, and slowly got him acclimated, he calmed way the heck down and is now one of the calmest members of our collective.
acelightning
Jan. 3rd, 2012 08:11 pm (UTC)
It's been my observation, among the other multiples I know, that the capacity of the human mind doesn't seem to have any finite limits - there's always room for one more in there. (Although if there are really a lot of them, the "administrative" details of who gets to use the body when, etc., can be awkward.)

fayanora
Jan. 4th, 2012 01:27 am (UTC)
Heh, yeah. I have a friend with an entire multiverse in her head. I believe the term for such things is "gateway system." At least, that's one term for it that I've seen.
acelightning
Jan. 4th, 2012 02:58 am (UTC)
One of my very, very dearest friends is a multiple, and some of his personae belong to a fictional universe that they've written stories about. I never asked whether the personae came first, and then the fiction, or vice versa. But in my friend's case many of the personae are mutually hostile to one another, and will fuck with the body and then hand it off to a different one (often the default "front"), without sharing any memories of how it got there. So zie may suddenly find zirself on a bus 200 miles from home, with no money, and no idea where that day and a half went. Or one will eat something that makes the body sick, then switch out and leave the consequences to another. (Or zie may find zirself in the middle of having sex with someone zie doesn't recognize...) I tried to use my limited telepathic skills to convince them that it would be better to function as a team than to fight amongst themselves, but I didn't get anywhere :-(

fayanora
Jan. 4th, 2012 05:31 am (UTC)
Wow. That's a very disfunctional system. I'm glad my collective is not only functional, but we're also all friends.

Besides, we couldn't do that anyway; there doesn't seem to be a way to hide memories in our collective.
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