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1) Say: Seamus Finnigan is not after me lucky charms

2) I do not weigh the same as a duck. Nor should I try to act like one.

3) "I've heard every possible joke about Oliver Wood's name" is not a challenge.

4) I will not sing "we're off to see the wizard" when sent to the Headmaster's office.

5) I will not bring a Magic Eight Ball to Divination class

6) I will not, under any circumstances, ask Harry Potter who died and made him boss

7) Professor Flitwick's first name is not Yoda

8) Remus Lupin does not want a flea collar

9) First years are not allowed to be fed to Fluffy

10) I will not make any jokes about Lupin and his "time of the month"

11) I will not give Hagrid Pokemon cards and convince him they're real animals

12) I will not sing the Badger Song during Hufflepuff-Slytherin quidditch matches

13) The Giant Squid is not an appropriate date to the Yule Ball

14) When Death-Eaters are attacking Hogsmede, I shall not point at the Dark Mark and shout "To the Bat Mobile, Robin!"

15) When a class-mate falls asleep, I shall not take advantage of the fact and draw a Dark Mark on his arm.

16) It's not necessary for me to yell "BURN!" every time Snape takes house points from Gryffindor

17) Any resemblance between Dementors and Nazgul is simply coincidental

18) I will not call the Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher Kenny. Even if he is wearing an orange anorak

19) I will not refer to the Weasley Twins as "bookends"

20) I will won't dress up in a Dementor's suit and use a dust-buster on Harry's lips to make him do what I want.

21) I will not scare the Arithmancy students with my Calculus book.

22) I will not hold my wand in the air before I casting spells shouting "I got the power!"

23) I will not tell Sir Cadogan that the Knights who say Ni have challenged him to a duel and then have students yell "Ni!" from various directions.

24) I am not Xena: Warrior Princess and I shall not use war cries to signal my entrance when I enter a classroom

25) Its not necessary for me to yell "Bam!" every time I apparate.

26) I will not steal Gryffindor's sword from Dumbledore's office and use it to patrol the hallway.

27) I am not allowed to sing my own personal spy music when wandering the halls.

28) "To conquer the earth with flying monkeys" is not an appropriate career choice.

29) I am not allowed to begin Herbology class by singing the theme song to "Attack of the Killer Tomatoes"

30) I am not allowed to paint the house elves blue and call them smurfs.

31) The Whomping Willow is not an Entwife

32) "Draco Malfoy, Take it up the Arse" is not an acceptable quidditch chant.

34) I am not Allowed to lock Harry Potter and Draco Malfoy in a closet to see if hot gay sex will occur.

34) It is a mad idea to tell Professor McGonagall that she takes herself too seriously

35) "Ya'll check this crap out!" is not an appropriate way to announce that I am about to conduct an experimental spell.

36) I will not say the phrase "Dude, get a life" to Voldemort.

37) I will not offer to pose nude for Collin Creevy.

38) I am no longer allowed to use the words "pimp cane" in front of Draco Malfoy.

39) Should I chance to see a Death Eater wearing a white mask, I should not start singing anything from The Phantom of the Opera.

40) Dumbledore does not have "nakie time".

This was cross-posted from https://fayanora.dreamwidth.org/1376565.html
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Finally saw Frozen

I finally saw Disney's "Frozen" tonight, after avoiding it so long because of the excess of gifs that came out before the movie did, which were all over Tumblr. (I sometimes avoid doing something that's popular just because it's popular, even if I'd otherwise want to.)

It's a good movie. But I think it was YouTuber MattPat who pointed out that Prince Hans's character arc makes no bloody sense at all, and I saw for myself what he meant. (Yes, I sometimes watch fan theory videos for things I haven't even seen, fight me.) Like... there's no indication at all, not a hesitation or facial tic, not a suspicious word, not a single tell anywhere in the first half of the movie to give any kind of warning that Hans was going to become a villain. I'm sorry, but nobody is that good an actor, especially since we saw parts where nobody was watching him and he knew nobody was watching him, and he was still looking like a good guy who was truly smitten.

Also, his evil plan makes no sense. If his plan was to marry Anna and kill Elsa, he should have kissed Anna to break the spell. I mean sure, if he didn't actually love her it wouldn't work, but he could've brushed it off as "I guess we don't know each other well enough yet." And then he could have just bided his time, because as MattPat said, at that point all Hans had to do was wait for Anna to die, charge Elsa with treason and kill her, either that or just let her run away again. He'd already been given control of the kingdom, and with the queen a fugitive and the princess dead, who was going to challenge princess Anna's final command to leave Hans in charge? Especially when he was proving himself to be an amazing, kind, and compassionate ruler. In fact, that compassion he showed the people of Arendell further contradicts his later turn of villainy, making it even more suspicious. There was no need to pretend that he and Anna had gotten married before she died (without any witnesses or priest, I might add). And even if there had been, why with the dramatic reveal and then the classic villain blunder of assuming she would die soon, rather that watching her die? He could have brushed it off, as I said, then pretended to be horrified as he watched her die.

Then there's the fact his right turn into villainy happened a suspicious amount of time after the trolls were trying to set Anna up with Kristoff. I think MattPat was right to be suspicious of them, they're clearly up to something nefarious. I hope Frozen 2 reveals that Hans was mind controlled by the trolls into being a bad guy, because otherwise the whole movie really makes no sense at all thanks to that stupid, nonsense twist of Hans being a villain.

Anyway, this movie already had a villain, the Duke of Weaselton! It didn't need a second villain! And they could've still avoided the cliche of "true love's kiss" by having Hans get lost on the mountain after fighting Marshmallow, and not getting back in time to try breaking the spell.

Truly, they tried so hard to change this from the original story it was based on that they broke the story and now it's nonsense. Fun nonsense, but still nonsense.

This was cross-posted from https://fayanora.dreamwidth.org/1376376.html
You can comment either here or there.

Two chapters of HPATTWNT book 4

Book 4, Chapter 9 of Harry Potter and the Trouble With Neurotypicals is published! As is Chapter 10, because I forgot to post about 9 before!

Chapter 9 name: "No Way Out"

Series blurb: Harry Potter, the Boy Who Lived, is a young and abused Black boy with Asperger's syndrome, and is hated by his guardians, the Dursleys. A little over a week before his birthday, he discovers that he is also a wizard, and the Dursleys knew all along. Not only is he a wizard, but he's also famous in the wizarding world! An AU fanfic.

Chapter 9 blurb: Harry's name came out of the Goblet of Fire. He is not taking it well. Trigger warning: realistic depiction of a panic attack.

Links to book 4, chapter 9:

AO3 version

FF.net version

BigCloset Version

Chapter 10 title: "Fight For Your Life"

Chapter 10 blurb: Harry starts plans for the First Task, even though he's not sure what it's going to be. But Ron has a shrewd idea, and it's a good plan. Now if Harry can just manage to not have a panic attack before the First Task, that would be helpful to him!

Links to book 4, chapter 10:

AO3 Version

FF.net version

BigCloset version

Series pages, etc:

Series page AO3

HPATTWNT book 1 page FF.net and Book 2, FF.net

Book 3, FF.net

HPATTWNT chapter 1, BigCloset

This was cross-posted from https://fayanora.dreamwidth.org/1376176.html
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Truth

Belief: "God has a plan!" (Picturing this big, sprawling, intricate plan.)

Likely truth: The Goddess Eris gets up, spins a great enormous wheel of fortune, chanting, "Wheel of Chaos, spin spin spin, what kind of trouble will we be in?" This was cross-posted from https://fayanora.dreamwidth.org/1375838.html
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